In fear as can’t seem to solve this…

Hello,

I hope if you’re reading this you’re doing well and thriving!

I’m 22 years old and since 16 I’ve suffered with ‘chronic’ pelvic pain occurring from an initial injury. The symptoms were dullness in the pelvis area, no libido, erectile dysfunction and a tight sensation in the pelvis. After some TMS therapy and deep realisations, the pain has alleviated and only the erectile problems remain. I can’t seem to crack this and, despite therapy, long form writing to address my unconscious mind and an all out offensive to finally beat this, my libido remains low and I lack morning erections etc- which is abnormal as I eat extremely healthy, work out a lot as I enjoy it and look after myself in general. I think because this has gone on for so long I see such fear in that part of my body that it’s fried my central nervous system.

Anyway, moving forward, I’ve had glimpses of it being completely ‘better’, such as when I started the therapy but now I’m a few sessions in, I seem to have reset as I’ve began to doubt the process. If I had trauma, would I not be motivated to fix this and would I not start to actually feel things about what I write about, rather than just feeling nothing?

I’m sorry to offload here, I just feel like thinking to myself is just an echo chamber of possibilities and need an external perspective of someone who has gone through the similar situations. If you’ve read all this, thank you.

 

Hey @anewdawn
It sounds like you are putting HEAPS of pressure on yourself for having erectile dysfunction. You view this as abnormal, and a fault?
We are so used to automatic in our current world. Press a button, and presto, it's done.
This my friend is not that easy, as you are beginning to find out. It took you 22 years to find yourself where you are at, it may take some time and patience.
You say you have had "Some" tms therapy - how much? What are your expectations of yourself and your therapist?

Have you read a book by Dr. Sarno or a TMS book which explains the true mechanisms of TMS. It will also explain personality types typical of folks who seem to have TMS symptoms: obsession of the symptoms, the desire to fix, perfectionism, the inability to feel and express a breadth of emotions (and not realize it), a major trauma in life OR the build up of small stressors and the development of coping skills as a kid, which worked then but no longer work for you. Fear, anger, difficulty feeling joy, satisfaction and fulfillment in ALL areas of life, goodism and more.
Work with your therapist. It's pretty normal for folks who begin really digging into their psyche to feel threatened by the work and make up all kinds of excuses in their minds about why it isn't right, not working etc. It's because you are doing the real work, heading to the heart of the matter.

Give yourself a giant pat on the back for being willing, despite your fear to do this.
Take some pressure off yourself about "fixing" everything - you are not broken, you're just a little stuck. You've come a long way already so far!

 

@Cactusflower I've read this a few times now and it's really helped me. I really appreciate those words and I hope you're also being kind to yourself.

I won't go into it but I suppose I find it abnormal as it stops me from being intimate, having to distance myself from people as I'm fearful of the problem arising again- I know, the fear itself is part of it. It just frustrates me as I try to do everything I can for myself and this problem, right now anyway, just won't unravel.

I've only had 3 sessions and then I backed off as I began to have doubts when I was writing about my childhood and certain traumas. In my mind, the traumas which the therapist believes I have aren't traumas to me, but just part of life... maybe that's my own defence mechanism at work?

Right now, I'm reading The Way Out and it helps me for sure. I've also read The Mind Body Prescription by Dr Sarno so I understand TMS but I'm still apprehensive to fully accept this is my condition. My reasoning for this is because there is NO pain anymore, but I still lack libido and would consider myself to have erectile dysfunction. It's almost like I wish there was some form of pain there once again to confirm it's TMS. That being said, when I began the therapy the 'pain' moved around my body- this was at a time when I was most hopeful and optimistic that it would be sorted. I need and want to get back to that point.

I want to learn how to not put as much pressure on myself but since I started going down the rabbit hole and dissecting myself when this started, it seems I've lost the ability in the process.

 

Hi @anewdawn
First, I want to repeat wise words of @michael1234 who wrote today on another thread:
“When you think “your life is over” and you feel upset you need to notice that and sit with that feeling of upsetness for a few minutes instead of hating it and invalidating it, which causes further inner turmoil. Validating your feelings and welcoming them is a healthier path and when you start doing so you achieve more clarity and with more clarity you can decide what to do to relax your mind and body. ”
Catastrophizing keeps you stuck in fight or flight. Go back to your therapist, show them Alan Gordon’s book. Keep working.
You know what you need and said it best, that your mind is fearful, simply because it thinks it is protecting you… and it is, from opening up and feeling the emotions and thought patterns associated with your suffering.
Trauma, perhaps a better word is experiences also referred to as “small T’s” -can happen even in infancy so we won’t necessarily remember them but may relate to denied feelings of anger, separation anxiety or low self-worth. Therapy just helps you recognize there might to emotions in one (or all) of these areas you avoid.
Is it a lifetime of excavation? No, because the tms work helps you sort through this.
You use the therapy to recognize the patterns and “triggers” and learn new coping strategies. Recognize the inner dialog.
I had a former relationship with a person who had ED, and over time I recognize that this (because of new symptoms) is TMS, and that it’s not the ED that is the tms but the suffering in not accepting it that causes the tension. I was perfectly fine with his ED. It did not define our relationship.
You can be loved and accepted no matter what. By yourself first (perhaps the hardest), and then perhaps by someone else. Open your mind and heart. Why not take this time to also learn more about all types of loving relationships if you haven’t explored that already.
Having a trusted therapist you can talk to about all of this is a gift.