Day 31 Intellectual and Materialistic Goals

Hello everyone!


Today I am on day 31 of SEP and I believe I have definitely seen some great improvement in my life with some great help from the structural education program and the stories of others of course. I am currently on a short vacation and while I was writing my pen gave out so I decided to make this a blog post instead. I currently am stressed out about a computer science internship opportunity. I am not sure of how to react to this stress.


Because of TMS I have missed about 2.5 years of school and my bachelors degree is now an 8 year degree that I still have not obtained. I am finally being offered a computer science internship but believe I am not as prepared academically as I should be and frequently doubt myself intellectually as I see friends around me that pick up programming concepts like it’s nothing and others around me that have already graduated, are buying houses, new cars and I can’t help but feel horrible, envious, and like a failure. My goal was to buy a sports cars when I was 25 since I really love them but I am 24 now and that dream went out the window when TMS took a hold of my life. Now that I have a good portion of the physical pain from TMS out of mind, the depression, anxiety, and self doubt of life has started to plague my mind again. I am hoping to also make some improvement on these as well, but am not sure of how to tackle them.

 

Many people here suffer from or have suffered from not feeling good enough or self-doubt. There are tons of books, vlogs, courses etc on how to deal with this and many are helpful. I guess it depends how much you value mainstream opinion and standards and how vulnerable you are to comparison and shame.

For me the question “what is enough?” is a touchstone I return to repeatedly. What is enough for me is a simple, quiet life. I am able to ground myself deeply within this life. I am able to be myself and being myself is enough.
When I was younger my desires were a little different but underpinned by the same way essential values.

We are so horribly manipulated by the overculture. It keeps us starving for essential human needs like belonging and love, while filling our minds and homes with junk we don’t want or need. A big part of TMS healing comes with recalibrating these confected desires with our true selves. Please understand I’m not criticising the desire for nice things, that’s perfectly ok. I’m questioning why we place some things over others, and specifically things over ourselves.

TMS healing is all about authenticity and compassion. Finding your centre point and learning to live from there. Learning to calm yourself when stressed is an invaluable skill and this is as good a time as any to begin learning. Start with the breath.

 

Thank you for the suggestions made here, I think I should incorporate the question of what do I really value into a daily habit. I am not sure of why materialistic things are amongst those I value the most but currently I don’t have an answer for it so maybe I don’t really value them and am letting mainstream opinions heavily influence me. Thanks again for your response.

 

It may be because those materialistic things approximate or represent the way you’d like to feel. Cars are beautiful and I enjoy driving, always have done. The feeling I love most is freedom, that expansive sense of being able to go anywhere, to escape (a situation), or simply have some alone time; just you, some great music and a decent stretch of road. The type of car doesn’t matter to me. I drive a car so old it’s reaching classic status and people are divided between adoring her (complete strangers come up to admire her) or telling me it should be on the scrap heap (from an in-law who’s a millionaire and has a new car every year. We’re estranged )

Do you know about a man called Edward Bernays?
He was a pioneer in the world of advertising and propaganda... and his uncle was Sigmund Freud. Bernays realised that one could yoke true needs/libidinous urges (depends how primal your thinking is) to products or ideas via the egos insatiable hunger to ‘be seen’.

Fascinating, terrifying stuff.

 

Huh, I have never heard about him, but #1 that sounds very interesting and a good reason for me to read a more on him and his concepts considering it might help me to understand why I am "hungry" for these things and #2 Freud or Jung are amazing beings I have been trying to learn more about, so Freud's name is enough to attract my attention.