Is anyone familiar with this phenomena?

Hi, I'm 29 years old and have had many symptoms for about 3 years. I've been aware of TMS for over a year and been trying different ways to deal with my predicament. I'll try to keep this brief or i'll end up going into my whole life story, which I'm not sure will help anyone actually answer my question. My symptoms are a constant flu like feeling, tension in all muscles in the body but especially the face and neck. I'm always tired and it's impossible for me to get good quality sleep. I always wake up feeling like I've done 20 shots and a bottle of wine the night before. On top of this, it feels impossible to concentrate and I'm pretty much constantly thinking about random shit.

I started reading the book Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder by Gabor Maté last week as I had some suspicions that I might have some form of ADHD. I am always beating myself up for not being able to finish the projects that I start. As I read, I started to get this intense facial pain - my jaw locking up, head throbbing. Basically an increase in my symptoms. I kept reading, and the pain increased. I stopped and went about my day with a headache, which got worse during the night and into the next day. I dismissed this as a coincidence. I didn't feel like reading so I didn't and I began to feel better. When I read again, I noticed it coming back. I thought to myself, this is ridiculous. Reading cannot cause me pain. But after I continued to read and then went to sleep, I proceeded to have borderline migraine level headaches that I have never experienced before in my life. Could barely get out of bed or function. Like a very extreme version of my usual moderate sickness.

I experienced something similar before when doing thought journaling in CBT - as I wrote down my thoughts, I began to experience the same increased pain, but nothing to this extent. Something I am reading is resonating on a deep level - but I don't have any idea how to deal with it. I have been avoiding going into all the subconscious stuff lately - I've had talk therapy for a while talking about my childhood and while it's helped me understand myself, my symptoms haven't improved.

The whole thing is just ridiculous in a way- I just want to feel better and my brain is finding more creative ways to sabotage me. I actually want to finish this book as I think it might help me and I find it interesting but I'm scared of the headaches I will face if I start to read again. I don't know how to feel about any of this. I try to allow the pain or whatever but it's been quite severe. It's been three days since and I still have a fever - what the ****.

TLDR; every time I read a specific book I get excruciating headaches. Don't know how to proceed.

 

This is interesting, and welcome. I've had many of these symptoms, and even this exact experience reading another of Dr. Mate's books, The Myth of Normal. In fact, I couldn't finish it, it was pissing me off too much. I gather from Jan's other posts that I already know the gist of it. Reading it made me mad, enraged even. There are probably a couple reasons for this. They have to do with the fact that I hate most of the institutions in this society, a feeling that goes all the way back to my earliest childhood too, before I even had declarative memories. The institutions have been this way for hundreds of years at least, and they'll only change if they collapse under their own dysfunctional weight. If all the serfs stop showing up for work, what would happen? Dr. Mate talks a lot about institutions and the various social problems. I find it all rather hopeless to engage in this on a popular level. Sometimes like on this forum, a few people could be helped, a small fraction of one percent of people. Oh, and reading definitely can cause pain, but it can also take it away.

Another reason is I'm jealous of him. His observations, they're all fairly obvious. Go to medical school, pay attention to life, get lucky enough to read a book by Dr. Sarno, confirm this with reading recent research articles available for free on PubMed and then reflect on one's own clinical experience...no duh, that's the true nature of reality. Why does this guy Mate get a free upgrade on Air Canada business class but I have to pay if I want a fancy flight to Banff? Also, they stuffed Sarno in a basement, wouldn't eat lunch with him in the cafeteria, and couldn't wait to get rid of him. None of this is very flattering to me, but there it is. For you, what it is that's bothering you, only you can know. Maybe someone else can make educated guesses, if they really take the time to get to know you, your life history, your life experience. Perhaps the most hopeful part is that Dr. Sarno lived a long, healthy life, while no doubt many of his asshole colleagues died too soon, farting into their office chair and only realized in the last few seconds that they couldn't take their millions with them.

ADHD, I would avoid taking that diagnosis upon oneself, unless of course you can get disability money out of it while simultaneously knowing that there's really nothing wrong with you. CBT has been known to make TMS worse.

As for fever, the body temperature set point is controlled in the hypothalamus, which is extensively wired into the autonomic nervous system and the emotional centers.

How to proceed...that I don't know. Be really honest with yourself. Let time pass. Don't fear the symptom. Keep living. Another technique I found helpful, if you can guess what is making you angry, visualize releasing it somehow in whatever way feels true and genuine to you, not restraining yourself, and knowing that this internal experience doesn't reflect any actions you have to take in the real world. Another forum poster here taught me this one. I gave you some examples above, what images come to mind as your read my colorful descriptions?

 

Thanks for the reply. I've been diving into a lot of TMS related material - I've read Mindbody Prescription, Steve Ozinachs, Claire Weekes, did Alan Gordons program for a while, tried journalling. Unfortunately, the case for me seems to be that every step I take to try to fix the problem seems to make everything worse. I try to do Claire Weekes for example, allowing the pain but it feels like to me that I'm just fighting all the time. Part of me feels quite angry that I'm dedicating so much time to doing all this work instead of living my life. And it's starting to feel like my whole life is gonna pass me by if I don't hurry up and just live. My issue is that I can never seem to get started - I make these plans to do all these projects and end up distracted by momentary things and before I know it, the day is gone. And I'm scared of wasting my life. The struggle for me is mental first and foremost - I know for sure that if I put a focus on something other than TMS e.g. the things I love doing, making music, being with friends for a long enough period of time and just forget about my doubts about many parts of my life then I could be free from pain. I'm quite certain of that.

The part of the book that was actually triggering the headaches was about childhood stress. He was essentially arguing that people who had parents who were under a great deal of chronic stress during their developmental years are more likely to be 'sensitive' types; people more sensitive to emotional changes in others, more sensitive to bodily sensations, and more likely to try to please others to alleviate that stress. At least that's the gist of what I understood before I had to stop haha. My parents were not bad people but they could probably compete in the stress olympics, and win gold. I guess I'm angry at them, but I don't completely blame them also. I've found myself angry a lot with people lately, even those close to me and I don't really feel good about it. It make me feel disconnected and bitter.

I will have a look at the ACE's, although as I said diving into the childhood stuff I'm not sure is the way forward for me.
Thanks again for your message.