Is This TMS?

Hello all, i'm a 42 year old male. I'm married with two young girls (3 and 6).

I would consider my personality to be one of (maybe) perfection. From a professional standpoint, while I have been successful, I'm always a bit disappointed in that I didn't do 'such and such' and always working on side projects to build the next big thing. I do put a lot of pressure on myself at times. I also worry a lot. About myself, my kids, my family, finances, etc. I lost both of my parents to cancer at a relatively young age, with my mother dying when i was 20 and my father dying when i was 25.

Over the past three years, I have had just an immeasurable number of maladies, that I can only think are being caused by some internal or external stresses. In addition to everything below, I also have had constant bouts of sinusitis and on and off reflux issues.

In 2015, after leaving a stressful job and taking on a new position, only a few months after starting the new job, i developed Mono. I was perplexed that I could get something like this at the age of 39, but after a few months it disappeared and life went on.

Starting in June of 2016, i also was faced with a sort of professional crisis, in which i was being investigated for some alleged wrongdoing. It was probably one of the most stressful periods of my life, and at the time i thought that I might lose everything that I had worked for from a professional standpoint. While this was ultimately resolved (without me losing my job or anything like that) in early 2018, it was an entirely exhausting process that I know had a lot of effects on my body. I would be at work in crippling fear nearly every day thinking i might get fired. During this time, in April 2017, I developed prostatitis, which came on quickly after a supposed stomach bug. The full effects ultimately disappeared after a few months, but at the time it was quite a scary event. I didn't know if i had cancer or what not.

The professional stuff was ultimately concluded around March of 2018, but then only a month later I developed a weird sensation in my throat, like something was stuck there. I ultimately had to get a barium swallow and nothing sinister was found, aside from some mild reflux. I will note that there were also a lot of instances where my wife and I were fighting (still do) and that I was yelling at my kids a lot (ugh). Whatever the case, the pain/sensation went away over the next few weeks.

Fast forward to July of this year, and I develop this pain at the ulnar side of my wrist (near my pinky). I go see the ortho, get some physical therapy (that doesn't really help) and ultimately an MRI on my wrist. The hand surgeon notes that he doesn't see any issues with my wrist and that I should proceed with all of my normal workouts (i had been doing a lot of pushups prior to that). The one thing was that the radiology report noted a small potential nerve 'tumor', but the doctor wasn't concerned about it and called it a 'stretch'. Now i'm panicked that I have some sort of cancer.

A few days later i start to get a numbness in the same right hand and arm. Doctor orders an EMG. Ok now i'm concerned that I have some sort of neurological disease. Then a few weeks later, the left side of my face starts to feel numb. I go to doctor to make sure i'm not having a stroke. She thinks i'm just 'hyperventilating'. A few days later the numbness progresses into pain in my lower tooth and my upper tooth...and then pain in my jaw (at times i need an ice pack), and then now i'm feeling it right around my left eye. I went for the EMG two days ago. Completely normal. But this weird eye pain/numbness is still there.

Now i'm more than willing to accept that this (even latest stuff) is all related to my head. But what do you guys think?

 

Sounds like the symptoms are emotionally-psychologically driven. Like Jan said, you recognize your personality type. Plus, you've noted the huge amount of fear that life situations have put you in. And, I imagine the loss of your parents was so incredibly painful and affected you so deeply emotionally. You have been through a lot! it makes sense that these stresses in combination with your personality type are leading to such varied symptoms.

 

Hey Cdog
Subbed, and I can identify. We are just FILLED with worry and it manifests into physical symptoms. The throat thing is very unnerving and uncomfortable. I strongly believe this is why we become irritable easier than we used to (I interpreted that from part of your post). It's a circle that must be broken, and yes, I think TMS is what's happening to us. My professional situation is also quite stressful and may be a contributor. Right now I'm trying to reprogram and learn to relax. Listen to the words of Bloodmoon and others...You'll be just fine.

 

Welcome to the forum cdog!

I first want to share with you a bit about my husband. He is 60 now, and hindsight being 20/20, he can look back and see his past more clearly. When he turned 20 his parents moved three states away. Remember this was before cell phones, and long distance calling was expensive, so they talked, but only occasionally. He can see now that losing their emotional support was very destabilizing, although at the time he wanted to be on his own anyway, so he felt it was no big deal. You have had grief added to that. I want to acknowledge that you have a TMS recipe right there, then we add a perfectionist personality, job pressure. Yes, I think you can say you have TMS.

That said, you are doing the right thing to have your doctor check out your symptoms, especially when your parents died so young. Once you get cleared, turn your mind to the phycological and forget about the physical. This forum is a great source of information and support. Learn more about it and make it something you believe, rather than something you hope. That distinction is important. So educate yourself and let your inner self talk become a help to wellness.

Lizzy