Issues with Running

I have solved a lot of problems after discovering Sarno and TMS etc. I have several threads here detailing my journey with hip pain, knee pain, and many other ailments that Sarno's methods have fixed. Discovering this treatment has changed my life.

Recently I had another thread where I thought I might be showing some symptoms of neurological issues (Parkinson's, dystonia, etc) and I now firmly believe none of those have anything to do with what this thread is about but I'm still at an impasse that I can't seem to work my way around.

I've been a runner pretty well all my life, going back to high school when we ran for sports as punishment (I played Basketball and Tennis) to adulthood where I discovered it was a good way to stay in shape (I like to eat) and also a good social avenue. Plus I also firmly believe exercise is a natural anti-depressant (and as I have matured I realize I have some depressive tendencies). While I cannot honestly say I have ever enjoyed the actual running - I have always enjoyed the side benefits (the health, the social aspect, etc) - so what I've always said is "I enjoy HAVING run."

15+ years ago I got into running marathons and the running career really took off. In that time I have averaged 30-40-50 miles per week depending on where I was with training for these long races. Eventually I transitioned into trail running which I enjoyed alot more than road running (being in nature vs being potentially hit by a car - it's no competition). Doing all that running I got pretty good at it and qualified to run Boston and generally indulged the competitive side of my brain in winning my age group in local races etc.

Anyway, all that context is to say that in the 2 years or so, something has changed with me that makes it hard to actually run. Basically, the issue is it takes me 15-20min to "loosen up" and run "normal" - and then what that "normal" is is much much slower than what my old normal was. I'm not exactly young (53) and I realize there is a natural slowing of activity with age (this is well documented with running) but mine seems to have come on so suddenly. It just feels so stiff and jarring when I run now and this is greatly exaggerated in these first 15min or so.

This year in fact has seen another major dropoff in ability - last year I mitigated the issue by just incorporating a 15min "warmup" into my runs (which meant I had to show up at 445-515am to get this in before some of my weekly early morning meet ups with my group, which normally start at 5-530am.)

Then the summer hit here in southeast USA and I took another hit, despite my efforts my paces dropped off dramatically and I struggled more than normal with the heat. And then 2 weeks ago I got COVID which had another impact. Over the weekend, by chance a buddy of mine did some filming of our long run and when I saw the footage I was a little alarmed at how stiff and clunky I looked running.

So I have taken a few hits lately.

Over these last 2 years I have tried to just soldier on - ignore the problem and as Sarno says "get back to activity" - but this is clearly not working. I am not so much concerned with the dropoff in ability as much as the "why" - why am I having this block that is causing me to run so stiffly. It feels like a mental block but I can't get to the bottom of it.

I have more to say but I will save it for another post - this is plenty for now.

 

There is a lot of self-judgement packed into worrying if you are running “right”. I know you said you don’t much like running, but geeze! Ease up on yourself! Even if you run like a duck, you are out there doing it while everyone else is sitting on their sofa eating cheeseburgers and fries!
give yourself some kudos for going out there and kicking ass no matter if you do it with a smooth glide or an awkward gait.. really, what does it matter?

 

MHG,
I can relate to your feelings of awkwardness. it’s the same symptom I have, and it feels like you are not in your own body. it is pretty disturbing. I’ve tried tackling mine from every direction emotionally. The most improvement I’ve gotten is by focusing on the anxiety angle. Ironically, mine came after Covid too. But I actually saw a hints of it 30 years ago. This definitely makes me think it’s anxiety and TMS. Claire Weekes has helped me the most with my anxiety. slowly, over time, my symptoms have been diminishing. wondering if Covid cranked your anxiety level and that affected your running. I remember a recent post where people were discussing this same sort of disjointed inability to run normally— maybe as a form of dystonia— but I honestly think TMS can take any form. it probably took this form for you because you love to run so much. I wish I had answers for you, but I can validate what you’re feeling. I hope we both can figure it out!

 

To me this statement reflects an aspect of the TMS personality. It's the idea that what my body is doing could be normal, but for me it's not. You're getting older and you don't run as well as you used to. I think this is possibly bringing up some issues for you around aging and mortality. I suggest exploring that.

 

Thank you all for the responses, I've read everyone of them and I appreciate them. I'll circle back on some replies but for now I'm going to take some of my own advice and break out one of the symptoms I'm dealing with (there are actually several, but I'll start with one) and spell it out individually.

What is it? - See above, but this particular aspect is the worrisome "dystonia" when trying to run, this odd stiffness that occurs in the first 15min or so of warmup period. I have never been like this until about 2 years ago when I first started noticing it. It started with some shortness of breath in the initial running, and has progressed to my body not functioning like it should. I literally feel like my legs are "all over the place" during this initial phase of running, that they do in all directions instead of the normal cadence that I actually do settle into later, but I used to settle into this right away. It feels like something is holding me back and I don't have great connection to the ground.

What does TMS brain think it is? - Parkinsons. Dystonia. Natural aging and stiffness of the tendons/ligaments/etc. Lack of flexibility (guilt over not stretching). Something that I used to do (strength wise or stretch wise) that I no longer do that brought this on.

What do I actually think it is? - With my experience with TMS, I feel very strongly that there is some mental-block and subconscious thing that is happening here and holding me back. Some level of anxiety or angst that is causing this issue. As a result I have tried ignoring this and continuing on, but I really want to get to the bottom of this because ignoring it has not been working. It's gotten to the point that I feel a significant amount of anxiety about my next run, especially group runs where I am under pressure to keep up with the group (which I have accommodated by showing up 15+ min early to "warmup"). My level of anxiety over running has gone through the roof in the last year, and I feel like it's associated with this - and I know there is a connection there. My subconscious hates this running and is trying to sabotage it? Am I giving it what it wants by contemplating quitting?

What is the plan? - Well, this post is part of it. Journaling my TMS issues, especially in a forum like this, has helped me in the past, so I'm hoping I'll reveal something that will help here too. Otherwise, I am going to keep plowing with the running (I have a marathon in a month) and do some digging in my psyche to see what I can reveal.

 

OK I’m going to throw a majorly unacceptable wrench in this. It’s contrary to Sarno, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I’ve had TMS about 10 times in my life. Every single time I was able to get it to go away. I only knew about Sarno on my last TMS incident. I did what he said, and it worked. But here’s the tricky part. I was in a job at that time that was really stressful and I got laid off. When I got laid off my symptoms disappeared. Was it doing the Sarno work or was it getting out of the stressful situation that cured me? I’ll never know. Maybe it was both.

All of my other TMS symptoms went away when I got out of stressful situations. I’m beginning to wonder right now if the symptoms I have now are also related to that. I’ve been digging really deep in that area. One of the things I discovered is that I thought I loved going to my church, but I think now, maybe I didn’t. I could barely walk in there from the car. I thought it was because I was anxious. But maybe it wasn’t; maybe it was my body talking? Maybe it knew something I wasn’t acknowledging? I’ve been digging in that for a while, and I think I’m making some headway. It’s complicated.

I only bring this up because maybe that’s what is happening for you, too. You seem very advanced in TMS healing methods. I think I am too, to be honest. But sometimes these things are hard to solve and they take time. They take more than one angle to work it out. It could be as simple as you’re upset about mortality. Or, it could be something about running that you aren’t aware of that your TMS brain is aware of— that it doesn’t like; It doesn’t feel safe about. It might even be something about the people you run with. Do you see what I mean? It’s like a treasure hunt. It could be something sort of hidden like that.

I’m not saying we should give up what we love. But maybe we can figure out what our brains are scared of and help them to not be.

That’s my two cents. I hope there’s anything there to help you. I’m rooting for you!

 

You are absolutely right - I do a lot of self-analysis and I have always been very analytical when it comes to running, maintaining a log, tracking pace/heartrate etc. So this recent major change has rocked my boat.

As for how I look, that didn't actually enter the equation until just this past weekend though - I was having issues with this recent problem well before, it was just so shocking to see it from an outside perspective.

 

Thanks Jan! The funny thing is my balance and body-alignment and proprioception is actually very good. I do some non-running stuff that emphasizes this and have no problems with that. I also like to dance, and guess what, I can dance and move just fine. This is 100% limited to running, which unlike dancing feels awkward and unusual to do.

 

Thanks Ellen - this is fertile ground for my TMS brain, I know this. Running is actually one of the things that I do to stave off fear of aging/mortality. I do it to keep myself young basically. But I do a lot of things to accomplish that and only this activity is what is "off" the last few years. I don't feel any of the anxiety and issues around weight lifting or cycling for example, both of which i do on the regular.

 

Thank you - the funny thing is that I know that I don't actually love running. I know my subconscious hates it, and I only do it because I know it's good for me for many reasons (see post above). But I believe we should do things that we don't like if there is intrinsic value in it. I don't like to work really, but I do it because it earns me money - just as an example. And like Sarno says, I am in control, not my subconscious. I will run damnit if I think I should, and I won't be ruled by my subconscious TMS brain.

 

lol! Well good luck with that! Our subconscious brains seem to have control!