Day 1 It’s time

I had no idea there was an educational program on this site until now!
So glad I found it.

My back pain started about 12 years ago. I just finished renovating a property which was a fire-damaged house. I didn't want to work on it. I hated doing renovations. I had to do it because my wife (who loves renno’s) was earning more than me so someone had to put in a few months to get this house up to scratch. Two weeks after the reno was completed I remember working from home sitting at my desk I started to get a bit of pain in my left but and backside. I didn't think too much of it but gradually over a few days and weeks, it got worse. It came on for no apparent reason at the time. We went to specialists who ran all the usual tests. This was so long ago I am not sure what test were done at the time. All I remember is the specialist said he could not figure out what was causing the pain. He even suggested tuberculosis! I thought what! How? I stopped seeing him. The pain subsided a bit and then a few year later in 2015 it flared up even worse that the first time. I was working at a job that I liked. I was earning more money than I ever had before. The problem was it wasn't enough for my wife to stop working which was one of my goals. This upset me a lot. The fact that this was as good as it gets for me financially. I hated that. And so the pain hit me hard. I had to work from home and then stop working for about a month and rest. I tried lying on my back with my legs on the wall. I took Lyrica and Celebrex like candy. All this did was make me tired and useless. Like I needed that!
I think in about 2016 I saw a surgeon and got an MRI and x-rays. These show I had herniated discs in L4/L5 and L5/S1. My GP said you’ll just have to learn to live with the pain! Over the next few years, I thought it strange that the pain would move a little. Sometimes it hurt to stand and then sometimes it hurt to sit but never both. Sleeping thankfully was completely fine with no pain at all. I should also say that I never stopped swimming 1 or 2 times a week no matter how painful it was. The surgeon said he would not operate (thank God), he said scar tissue would make the nerve pathways smaller and impinge on the sciatic nerves more. I now felt lost and helpless. But I started to do my own research and in 2018 I discovered Dr. John Sarno. I got a free Audible account which gave me one free book. I downloaded The Divided Mind. I realised the personality type was me. So everything sank in and I got quite a bit better. The sciatic pain became somewhat more manageable, my dermatitis disappeared and my lactose intolerance subsided as well. In 2020 during coved I started getting super fit. I started running, swimming, cycling, yoga, HIIT workouts with weight at home! I became obsessed with exercise. I figured the best thing to do for my family was to keep healthy. This made me feel good.

Now in 2024 I still have sciatic pain but very little. The pain has recently shifted to both sides of my neck! I’ve gone back to looking for help for the TMS. The pain came about because I almost was made redundant by a General Manager that has no idea how to treat employees or run the business. We are all numbers. This said I fought to keep my job. Then I realised the job was no worse because our team was cut in half. I felt like I should have taken the redundancy but I couldn't I still have kids in school and I can't afford to slow down or earn less right now.

So here I am understanding why I have the pain I just don't think I was ever completely convinced it is TMS. But now I am now that it moved again to my neck speaks volumes about the symptom imperative and TMS. This time I’m going to beat it. I know I shouldn't be angry at my brain any longer and realised fear is why I get pain.