Journaling and symptoms

Hi all- I did the SEP in Sept, noticed a huge difference in pain reduction. Symptoms flared again after an illness put me back into a fear based mindset. I had a very emotionally taxing January so decided to start Journaling again.

SO MUCH is coming up. I am working through some deep stuff in my psyche that I didn't even know existed. Y'all, I'm feeling awful. My nervous system is so so heightened. My pain is not necessarily worse, but it IS absolutely moving. Last night I let myself feel sadness over a relationship that I'm mourning a bit. My stomach ached THE ENTIRE NIGHT, I didn't sleep well, I had vivid and stressful dreams.

I just need to hear that heightening, new symptoms are old energy being moved through emotional processing. I feel awful, afraid, heightened. I have RA, but I know it's TMS since it got way way better the first time i journaled. It makes me want to give up and just go about my life without Journaling.

Thank you for the encouragement

 

Completely normal.
A reaction in your gut is a very common sensation of sadness and grief. Your vivid dreams are your mind finally processing all of this. Be patient, it takes time and is normal. You’ve spent so long not being able to process these things it just feels so foreign, but my friend, you are doing the work and doing it well.
We are human, and now for you, you will feel the discomfort of emotions but also the highs of happiness and the blanket of comfort in contentment - and can appreciate the vast feelings of life. I don’t think every TMS-er can get “here”.
Increased anxiety is also very common and it’s a TMS symptom. “Awful” and “afraid” are two words you are using to express anxiety. Like the emotions you mention you are having to feel, in your body -simply feel the anxiety. All of this is temporary. The anxiety is temporary and the sensations of it will pass. This is your opportunity to learn to feel it. You don’t need to like it, but you will be fine once your brain accepts it happens sometimes. This is where Claire Weekes books come in they will teach you how to deal with it.
Now your mind is resisting: journaling, wanting to feel sensations of emotion, being afraid of the sensations of emotion but I assure you, this is where the “safety” idea comes in. You are safe with all of it. You can and are handling it all, it’s just new. Your mind has swept this all under the rug for so long, to protect you from feeling it. Your subconcious is like a little 3 year old and this stuff is hard for it. But in reality you are a fully capable adult who can handle it, and you are doing great with this process.

 

I agree with @Cactusflower 100%. Remember, you developed TMS because you learned to shove your emotions under the rug instead of learning how to live through them. You started feeling better - but it is not the ultimate solution. The ultimate solution is to learn what I call emotional hygiene, which is to learn how to process your emotions, past present, and future, instead of habitually resenting them or ignoring them, or repressing them. And this is where Claire Weekes is the best. I recommend her audios because her voice is more powerful than reading her books in your own voice - at least it was for me. Best of luck!

 

Thanks all. Your answers are helpful. Gives me the push I need to keep it up