JournalSpeak still working with almost no memories and Bad emotional awareness?

Hello there, I'm going to start JournalSpeak soon. Although I am convinced this helps many people, I am still doubtful whether is will be helpful for me since I have almost no childhood memories. Therefore part 1 of the list will be pretty empty for me. In addition to that my emotional awareness is pretty low. I'm unable to feel feelings in my body or to recognize or describe my emotions. I don't even know I'm able to get emotional. Is JournalSpeak still going to work under these circumstances? Thanks.

 

Yes, it will work. First question to ask is why you have no childhood memories. Maybe with time, some will emerge. These are probably very significant. Being unable to feel your emotions in your body is exactly what is wrong with all of us TMSers. Journalspeak will teach you how to feel. Don’t shy away from it. You will be very tempted to run!

 

Yes I think it would still work too. I would make sure you do it for all 20 minutes even if you don’t know what you feel or what to write. What I have found is just when I think I wrote about the issue, like 15 minutes in, my mind has me writing about the “real” issue. It is worth giving it a go for a few rounds. And if the memories don’t come up, you may be able to tap into the feelings you don’t think you have. You can even start off with your current feelings (I am angry or annoyed or so tired etc) and just go from there. You will be surprised at what comes up. Don’t force it.

 

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. This is what I needed - you helped me convice myself that this is going to work.

@JanAtheCPA Thanks for your reply. Yes, I definitely see it as a big part of me since it shaped my personality and probability also lead to the tms symptoms. But I don't think I've got a victim mentality, I'm usually a person to get things going and to do whatever it takes to reach my goals. I don't even call what I've been through as traumatic or trauma since I don't feel entitled to use these words.

So you think I have develop a new identity. Do you think in order to do this I have to work through my issues with a therapist first? Or simply focus on the positive things in my life and start cultivating joy? The thing is, I've already tried a body based kind of therapy (somatic experiencing) but it didn't help at all, we - most of the time - simply talked about everyday life. Maybe I have to go look for a new therapist.

Thanks for the tip with the structured program, I'm already doing the recovery program from Alan Gordon (I'm almost through), but I'm going to look into the link too.

 

I love this post, Jan! Last week I had my first big physical breakthrough and immediately sunk back so easily into despair and victimhood when the improvements didn’t last. I had the victory initially by fighting for my right to be well. For once. A spurt of self will. Self empowerment. It has become perfectly clear to me that the cure needs to come first to my own perception of worthiness. I deserve to be well. I have to believe this with all my heart —at my very core. I’m not there yet. And it is, like you said, Jan, going to take time and effort. I think that’s why this forum puts a lot of emphasis on self love. We have to love ourselves.

 

“Or simply focus on the positive things in my life and start cultivating joy?”

This is very much the school of thought that is “sold” as quicker fixes: eg. Alan Gordon, Dan Buglio and it works for some folks.. but I’ll point out that the Boulder Back Pain study that utilized Gordon’s work also incorporated mental health therapists. Dr. Schubiner also utilizes mental health therapy in his approach and I’ve noticed that in the recovery stories Dan Buglio presents on his youtube channel (who are not necessarily his own clients) almost all mention their mental health and mindset towards themselves played a major part in their recovery… but Dan’s methods don’t focus on those.
So much of this work is simply having an open mind and sorting out what works for you, personally.
I tried working with several TMS coaches and really only one was a good fit for me personally. I tried a few therapists with mind/body focus but only one really clicked and helped me get to a point where I could actually focus on beginning to feel ALL emotions, get unstuck from depression/anxiety and begin to experience more joy and contentment.
It was frustrating to go through months of work and $ with people not to feel I was improving but sometimes that’s just the path.
I found EMDR most helpful but it was the therapist herself that really helped that method work well for me.
I utilize many of Alan Gordon’s methods but the SEP really gets to the heart of matters that Dr. Sarno’s books speak of. Then again for some people none of this was their method to success - @TG957 used meditation and movement which worked for both her mind and body…
Be open and curious but willing to go into the dark spaces you don’t even know are there..

 

Phenomenally wise and helpful! I love hearing about your journey, @Cactusflower. It really inspires me. And it’s true about the trial and error. And accepting your efforts that didn’t work and moving on.

 

All the posts above are excellent, thoughtful advice and you should try each one to see if and how you could make it work for you.

I can only add one: from my almost 9 years on this forum, I learned about the most important trait of those who succeeded. They all were able to develop enough inner strength and freedom to become their own doctors, and instead of shopping around for somebody who would rescue them from the abyss, they compiled their own method of climbing out of the abyss. Each one of us has a unique personality and life path, and therefore each recovery will be unique. Nobody knows you better than you. Listen to everybody, and try every idea that comes your way, but in the end, you will be the one to decide how to help yourself. It takes a while simmering in this soup to get to that point of confidence in your ability to chart your own path, it took me almost a year. I have been watching with admiration and awe people on this forum who courageously climb out of horrific pain and terrible life circumstances and grow as human beings on that journey. May your inner compass always be with you!

 

Thank you all so much for your answers, I've read them all and they are all so valuable! I also think feeling and allowing all emotions is important since one can't experience the positive ones without experiencing the negative ones too. I'm definitely going to try out the SEP soon.

 

Thank you for your answer. In your posts I've read that meditation helped you a lot for reconnecting with your emotions / being able to feel them. Did you do guided meditations or silent ones? What kind of meditation exactly did you do? I don't know a lot about meditation, the only kind of meditations I've tried is Yoga Nidra / Body Scan, Somatic Tracking or trying to focus on my breathing. I personally can't do visualizations or thought oberservations (I have aphantasia and no inner monologue), but everything else is fine.

 

I write about it in detail in my book, I have over 10 pages on mindfulness and various types of meditation. As I said before, you have to find your own way by trial and error. I tried many types, only to discover that none of them worked for me until I figured out my own method. In brief, there are only a few hard rules that I believe apply to chronic pain patients:
1. Each session must be at least 1 hour long to have a lasting therapeutic effect.
2. Considering our personalities (obsessiveness, perfectionism etc), there should be as few rules to follow during meditation as possible, so we are not distracted by the rules themselves
3. Do not expect immediate results. I usually felt the results of my best meditation sessions the next day
4. There is no such thing as an unsuccessful meditation session, even if you don't feel that way at the end. It all adds up, albeit very slowly
5. Be very, very, very patient. It works very slowly.

 

Thanks, I'm going to check it out.