Joy, Intimacy & Connection

I had a very warm, fueling, and nourishing day yesterday. In particular, I had very satisfying experiences with close friends. When I came home though, I felt a sense of being alone. This triggered a TMS behavior in me. I ended up sharing something with someone in a text that felt a little overly revealing. I then got completely distracted as to why did I share this.

I realize now that I did that because I was feeling a deep connection to others. This feels like a vulnerable feeling. I was aware last night of how much I value it. When I can sit in a place of peace I can let these feelings wash over me. And I can feel like I don't lose people when I say goodbye to them. The love inside is still there.

I'm curious if anyone else is finding how TMS symptoms can show up in relationships?

Thanks for being there,

Lexy Lucy

 

Beautiful post. I love the gentle way you highlight the endless dance of intimacy and vulnerability in relationship. Quite lovely too how your natural tendency was a desire to further connection and while it was dampened by the sense of over-sharing, the impulse itself is absolutely gorgeous.

Imagine a world where everyone did that instead of closing down and shutting out. What a wonderful world it would be.

In my experience there is a sadness when such a rich and warm-hearted connection is not reciprocated or received as well as my heart hoped but these days I endeavour to let that feeling wash over me and if it lingers I sometimes cry, or contemplate why that may be, or best of all listen to some blues. Is there an emotion on the melancholic end of the scale not embraced by the blues?

Some of the most exquisite moments in life come from the times someone does meet us in that intimacy, especially if it is unexpected. I had a lovely encounter recently that truly restored my faith in being seen. I guess the best we can do is let our heart open and close like the fluttering wings of a butterfly, forgiving, yielding, trusting and loving anew.

Plum x

 

Dear lexylucy,
I think I know what you mean. You are simply feeling alone when you are coming home. It is sadness, as plum says. For me it is the sadness that the warm relationship is only temporary although I of course know that I will see them again. When I come home after a very good conference or an achievement I can be proud of, but also after a day with my best friends, where I feel so much love and sympathy, I come home and suddenly I sometimes feel empty. Being alone is sometimes wonderful. But it also can be frightful especially if you are longing for companionship.
Could this kind of emotions trigger pain? Of course, anything can. But the solution is not to avoid. You have to face it.
Does this make sense to you?

 

Oh, and sharing too much of inner your feelings because of vulnerability and because you want to connect, yes, that is human. Happens also to me. Sometimes people respond very astonished and positive, sometimes they don’t know how deal with it. Don’t bother too much. Think you as human with needs .. as everyone else.

 

Thanks everyone. I am feeling a little frustrated. I had a lovely day with friends again and evening. Then I came home & sent out a strange text late last night to a friend. Ahahahahah! Geez. What is wrong with me? I had a strange feeling in the middle of the night and woke up with a cold head. I could feel it coming on.

I am trying to tap in to the feelings of loss that I am struck with when I enter the house. It's my first time living alone in 17 years. And I'm not used to it. I feel like I walk into a sea of unanswered questions.

What I am realizing as I sink into myself is that the intimacy and joy and togetherness of these friendships is helping to answer a lot of my questions, as I am no longer feeling alone. It feels really good.

 

That is good that you appreciate the friendships you enjoy! And that you start to understand how being alone affects you. It takes some time to get used to it. I know. I live alone after being in a relationship for 23 years. It’s a change. Sometimes I still miss companionship, but I also love the time I have for myself .. for example spending time on this website .
Have a nice weekend!