Day 9 Just self-critical LATELY?

Self-critical is pretty much my nickname. I can't remember the last time I thought damn, I actually did that well. I got my first B ever in 7th grade and became so depressed I needed counseling. I always feel like I have to do everything perfectly or everything will fall apart. I have a constant fear of making mistakes at work even though my boss has told me before the things I have done aren't world-ending.

Even getting over the fear of the pain and increasing my exercise, I'm still angry at myself because I have gained some weight in the past couple of years after losing 130 lbs and it feels like a failure to me. It was never really impressed on me that failure wasn't an option but for some reason it developed in me anyway. It leaves me constantly pushing to the point of exhaustion or further injury when it comes to exercise.

I think I just see things going wrong with the people in my life and feel like I have to be as perfect as possible so that I can "fix" whatever they did wrong, e.g. helping to pay for something they need that they can't afford or putting my own mental health on hold when they are struggling with theirs. If I'm not doing the best I can, I can't help them. It's something on which I'm working to not try and be everything for everyone all the time.