Day 12 Just weirdness

I spent the weekend doing enjoyable things. My symptoms are either taking a new form or are becoming a reduced version.

What used to be a high influx of anxiety now feels like a low but almost constant wired and tired feeling. What used to be high or extreme de realization is kind of an in an out of surrealism which at times is more unnerving because it feels basically normal but with the under pinning of anxiety. In the mornings I still get lower back pain spikes which I used worry was my kidneys but then it goes away. I have no teal reason to think I have kidney problems but of course I have had health anxiety so there is a reason to have pain.

My anxiety has switched to mornings, feeling this constant on and off switch is very annoying. I think I learning to float with it and I do feel some relief at times, other times not.

I did manage to go fishing for several hours. I had back pain than went up, down, disappeared, came back with intensity then back down to a low level. I still had fun, caught fish for dinner and went to another spot. I chatted with some people and that helped me feel present and not in my pain. I started to get a taste for outcome Independence. It wasn’t perfect but it had all the makings of an enjoyable day.

I still feel the emotions arise during my pain. It’s the same feelings and my anxiety seems to be fear of something...letting go. I’m working on that now.

As the symptoms seems to take new forms or are reductions of themselves that seem like new forms I have to keep reminding myself how far I have come and not feel discouraged.