Looking for anyone who has had a similar

I’m new here..
My back goes completely out every time I get stressed out.. it’s been happening for 20 Years now.. They put me on permanent disability 9 Years ago because of my pain and mental anxiety.. I sold cars for 30 Years did lots of done crystal meth and have done some embarrassing things on that crap.I’ve seen countless doctors and psychologists had 4 mri s ..
Cannot find anything wrong..
my hip had terrible pain with horrible sciatica.. that’s been controlled. My back goes completely out under stress
I am looking to get off disability and start working.. if I don’t do something I will go crazy..I don’t do much but think about my situation and feel ashamed. .. I see darkness for over a month every time my back goes out with spasms.. I’m scared to travel much. I’m scared my back will blow out..i get it back together with working out and yoga at the gym..
I’m a clean strong good looking guy and I cannot believe my situation
I wish to heck someone had a similar situation as myself so I could relate to.
Any suggestions I would appreciate.
Thanks

 

Hi Samhopkins looking for similar,

You say your back keeps going out, I am assuming this means a back spasm, I used to have them years ago and there is hope. Read my success story in 2000 under my name for details.

I don’t know what crystal meth is, but I did have a recovery from alcohol in 1985, does this compare?

I have received huge help from this web site and TMS Help, because I am now quite well and happy and relatively free from pain, I am 70 this year. I just realized I am not in neck pain even having to cope with my wife’s’ horrifying stroke two weeks ago. This must be testament to being involved in TMS for 18 years.

I was once in a dark place for similar reasons to you, sciatica-perhaps family or life’s struggles, for me I had the additional complications of alcohol to deal with. Don’t worry about the shameful things you did, you will laugh about them one day, as I actually look back with humor and pride at what I went through. There is hope, but it doesn’t come easy.

Yes I can say I am similar, with the exception of seeing a psychologist and suicide bit, both of these I deemed unnecessary. Isn’t Yoga great!

My best recommendation is to do Alan Gordon’s recovery program you will have fun and enlightenment. I did most of the SEP in 2011.

Welcome

 

I can relate to your post mate and there is something you mention there that relates to my past expeperiance about past embarrassments. If you are ruminating and thinking of these often then you will be no doubt beating yourself up with lots of negative self-talk. All this can result in ramping up the tension in your body and if done over a sustained period of time. This can cause any amount of symptoms/conditions in your body.

Stress = tension = Symptoms

Make peace with your past and be done with it. Easier said than done I know. Mindfulness worked best for me and is a great skill to learn for anyone in life.

I would recommend Hope and help for your nerves by Clare Weekes as she touches on how guilt, sorrow and disgrace can cause us to be ill. She offers good Avice on how you can take a different view on whatever situations are causing you to be embarrassed or whatever.

Not only that but this book also outlines a cure on how you can get out of this mess.

 

I would just like to know if the lower back pain people have felt was so "structural" that when you bend you can actually feel the "pinching of the nerves" ? I am asking this question to those that have HEALED. To answer your question Samhopkins....back in the late 90's I had a run of TMS that was so severe I lost 30 lbs. The pain was unbelievable (sciatica, hip and butt pain and felt like nails going thru my feet). It went on and on for 18 months, but I said screw it and went back to work and healed. The MRI's were totally clean- head to toe. My situation is different now....trying to get back on the damn horse.

 

Hi Click#7,

Yes I consider my back healed and somewhat controllable; I treat my back with care and understanding. Did you read my conversation with a back ache? This describes how I view it today.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/conversation-with-a-back-ache.17757/

I used to envisage (in my mind) the actual nerve being crushed by the disc every step I took. This is what I wrote in my success story in the year 2000:

“This was the first time I felt confident enough to jog for 7-8 years. I felt no jogging pain at all until later that day. I had done the opposite to convention, Prior to this, years ago I remember jogging around the local park with considerable lower back sciatica pain. I was absolutely convinced that each step caused a nerve to pinch between my vertebrae.”

I became to realize this view was unadulterated bull shit, a TMS cover up if you will!

Hi Sonic,

I get the impression you are from the old country UK, we haven’t met, but I see have common interests back neck, vertigo ect. I remember the struggle and embarrassment writing and posting my TMS bio in 2011, and on some re-reads have actually removed it twice over the last five years. I have also tried rewriting to make it more palatable. It now endures and captures my true feeling at a point in time. To edit it would be a lie. I haven’t overcome embarrassment enough to let my three adult lads see it, they know very little about my past. Having being raised with the notion: “Honor thy Father and Mother”. I think: “Why do they deserve it”. All three lads would possible gain understanding of their dad perhaps.

 

Andy (my favorite name)...there has been an Andy in every generation in my family...grandpa...cousin and nephew ? Anyway to get a response from Andy is comforting. I raise my leg and can feel the stretching pinch plus the back ache. I needed that today. If feels so freaking STRUCTURAL that means everything to me for you to respond including the trick TMS is playing on me.

 

I am sorry it took me so long to respond. People are so so nice here I see. I’ve been through a major flair up. Two weeks now. I get these flair ups and it depresses me to no end. The weird thing with me is I have a horrible problem with sitting down and getting up. I am scared to sit at dinner with anyone because of my pain. I am alone most of the time and I wish life would end for me. I have money I am in great shape athletically from yoga. I eat light and healthy because of the fact I feel there is no way I could possibly be in a hospital bed ever. I need to get up and walk around because of the pain in my left leg and my low back. If I could yes I would end it. It’s weird I have everything to live for but I’m terrified of traveling anywhere because of horrible pain sciatica down my left leg. I understand it comes from drug use major and on my feet selling cars for 30 years. My back mri is good ...had darn 3 of them in the last 10 yrs. I’ve had two hip mris also. Slightly herrnated disks bla bla bla.. I am terrified to have a girlfriend because of all the shame I’ve put myself through over the yrs with drugs and my weird sex crap I’m meth...Shame shame shame and unbelievable guilt.
I will be on this forum every day now because I got a new iPad .. actually I spent $400 for my iPad today just for wiki tms.
If I’m not writing this correctly please let me know. I can help others because of the many many many doctors I’ve seen in the past 20 yrs. I’ve learned tools for breathing spritual attributes etc.
I feel much better even writing this. I cry lots trust me. It’s pethedic trust me. I found out about TMS is my problem a few weeks ago. I’m very happy because maybe there is hope. If you only knew my situation omg...
Thanks to the people who responded and I promise PROMISE to be an active member now I can read this forum on a larger screen.

 

Well, you have to consider, for one thing, what speed does: It artificially, but temporarily, raises your self-esteem and contradicts any negative self-image you've been experiencing. That's the same reason meth and alcohol are so popular in rural and middle America where the old manufacturing-based economy has declined as population centers and wealth has gravitated to the East and West Coasts. Addressing your negative self-image may be a first step to resolving your back and sciatica issues. There's nothing like a negative self-image to fuel a cycle of negative mental gossip.

 

Thank you for your response. I’m totally being honest here. I’ve been through psychological therapy for it..
It’s time to get better

 

I wanted to thank you for your info on this book. I will buy it tomorrow.
I really appreciate your help.
Sincerely,
Sam

 

Have you read one of Dr. Sarno’s books yet? Maybe The Mindbody Prescription on your iPad and then listen to his older book, Healing Back Pain on audiobooks (he reads that one himself so it’s very powerful). I think you would relate to Steve Ozanich’s book The Great Pain Deception too. He recovered from much of what you are describing. He also does consultations. And what about seeing a TMS doctor as you are in US and have the means? That could reassure you about any link between drug use and your symptoms (which is quite unlikely). There is a list of doctors on this website. Good luck.