Making Progress With Your Help

I am someone who has had previous "bouts" of TMS and have been working through another episode over the last month. I had moments of being pain free, but still wasn't fully pain free (especially getting out of bed in the morning). I found this amazing site about a week ago and started with the Structured Educational Program on someone's suggestion. The suggestions day to day have been very helpful. I am now on Day 8 and feeling much better than I did when I started the program. I was journaling day to day before I started the program, but the journaling activities are really changing how I journal and getting me to focus on one unresolved conflict at a time.

As someone who has experienced TMS before and followed Dr. Sarno's guidance (through all his books) I realize the reason for the tension. Like many of you, my personality is found throughout all his books. This latest episode started when I had a tremendous amount of stress in my life (realized after going through the process), but I wasn't aware of any of it at the time. After recovering last time, I stopped thinking psychologically. Then when I felt a jolt exercising in the right side of my lower back, it triggered all kinds of havoc. The pain has shifted to both sciatic nerves, throughout my lower back, and sometimes my calves (Positive Sign). It took about a week before I dusted off the Sarno books and started going through the process. Going through a pain syndrome is an interesting psychological roller coaster. We all believe we know the pain is TMS, but it is hard to fight off the 'self-doubt' all the time. That little bird on your shoulder will ask 'what if it is a tumor or something else?' and you feel like you are back to square one. I have also had the days where I have been pain free for hours and then there is overwhelming excitement of "is it gone?" and then it comes back worse than it was. Then you wonder will I always have this pain.

The pressure we put on ourselves to go through the process also makes it worse. You get the thought, if I do these three things today, the pain has to stop. You do the three things and boom the pain is still there. What a ride!!! Day 7 of the program asks you to take a day off from TMS recovery. This was very helpful. The video about "Can I try to hard at overcoming TMS?" was especially helpful.

The information I have found through this site in the last week have been awesome. Dr Schubiner's blog posts, all of your advice and stories, Alan Gordon's ways of thinking differently of the pain all have helped. I was able to run for the first time in weeks earlier this week. The tension I felt from the run was normal running soreness. It was great, it was a real victory for me. I am not fully through this episode, but I am getting there. I realize now that when this episode is over, I need to be aware of my stresses and will continue to do some of the work to stay pain free. I'll try to remember that little pains are warnings from the brain that something is starting to brew in the unconscious and get in touch with it soon. Good luck to all of you out here.