Day 6 Meditation and a break

I did the Day 6 meditation today. I think it was helpful... I've been trying to meditate forever, and I find it very hard. But I just did this for five minutes and was able to manage and felt relaxed afterwards.

After starting this SEP, I felt really good for a couple of days, but now I'm feeling worse again. This could be because I'm fighting a bad cold now or possibly because in spite of cold, I'm going on a stressful trip tomorrow.

That said, I'm probably going to take a break from the SEP the week while I'm away. I feel like finding time to myself to fit it in will cause me more stress. Instead, I'm going to work on the things I've learned already, continue rereading Sarno's book, and maybe get in a few meditations. Hopefully, that won't wreck any progress I've made.

Lastly, my fears:

What am I NOT afraid of??

My biggest fear is something happening to my kids. I think about that constantly. Every time they leave school, I make sure to tell them I love them many times in case it's somehow the last time I see them, or maybe if I *don't* say that, it will make something bad happen. I'm afraid to leave them with a babysitter, even this woman we have who has been with us for two years and is absolutely lovely. Every time they go on a school trip, I worry incessantly. I'm scared to let them eat grapes because they might choke... and they are in GRADE school, not toddlers. Hell, I'm scared to let them eat bananas. I swallow a lot of my fears because I know it's wrong to let my neuroses ruin their lives, but that doesn't mean I'm not silently driven crazy.

 

Hi, Alice. The upcoming trip is bound to cause you anxiety which shows up in TMS pain. Try to think of the trip as being for your good. I think the main reason for your pain is your fears for your kids. I doubt you are alone in this... so much of the news is bad. It's no wonder you worry while they're at school or even with a sitter. You just have to accept that, as all parents must in these troubled times. The vast majority of kids today are safe and yours will be, too. Also tell yourself that it's safe for them to eat grapes and bananas. If they think you worry about that, it could make them develop a neurosis about eating things that are not harmful to them. It's a terrible shame that good parents like you have to worery about such things. Take a break from the SEP while on the trip. You may also be overdoing meditation. Only monks sitting under shade trees have a lot of time for that.