Day 18 Most prevalent emotion=FEAR

As I think back through my journal entries, the most prevalent emotion that I repress is fear. An unconscious ongoing fear. It came out very strongly in my journaling today, and when I look back through my lists, seems to stem from the death of my sister when I was 4. I see it all through my early childhood right on into adulthood. It creates anger, and a significant amount of anxiety. It contributes to my perfectionism, and even my goodism. As I write this post, my back is giving me twinges, which I think are confirmation I'm on the right track.

 

I too had a lot of deaths close to me at a young age....significantly my father and my Nanny (who was my default mom). I processed it as Anger, Guilt and Despair.
These are the types of insights that help us defuse the necessity for a distraction.. No matter how my ego feels NOW, I can postulate what Ought to bother 'that guy' (me)... Because the anger,guilt, despair guy has Not gone away.. he's in there and reacting to stuff, he's just silenced by my 'That doesn't bother me' adult exterior.

So in any new situation... even one with a positive connotation...How should he be reacting? Beating TMS is a creative endeavor. Since it's repressed we need to be good at speculating and making models. I am not even certain they have to be correct. I just know that it works.
peace