Day 15 Moving and shapeshifting

Does my pain move around? Well, yes, it does. It did that before, it would move around, but always stay in my lower back. Right now, it has found a new way to pester me. Previously, I would leave the house and get struck by sudden bad back spasms, bad enough that they made me limp. I never turned around and went back in, I'd always finish the walk I had planned. Usually the spasms would get better, sometimes I'd keep limping for a while, sometimes I'd limp all the way through the walk, sometimes the pain got a bit better, sometimes a whole lot better. Sometimes sitting down for a minute would help, then again sometimes it wouldn't. But it would always start with a spasm.

Not anymore. My body has decided that it can limp quite well without pain or spasms. So I leave the house, and after a few steps, my left hip starts doing something that I can't control, and I limp. And I can't stop it, unless I stop walking. Initially, this is totally painless, but after a couple of minutes, the regular pain sets in. Then, after a while, the limp might get better. Or not. The pain might get better. Or not. You get the picture.

I'm trying to take this in my stride (<-- see what I did there?), but frankly, I'm baffled. I can see a certain logic. I had started to ignore the pain. Ignoring a limp is much harder, it makes me feel selfconscious. So, a limp it is. What's next? Hysterical paralysis? (No, I don't really believe this.)

The good thing is that this is another argument in favour of TMS, right? This means I'm on the right track!

 

Rosebud,

This is good news! Your brain has opened a little window allowing you a look inside! Write this anomaly down, along with any others, and read it as often as you can. This helps your conscious, and unconscious, thinking over time. Fantastic.

While you walk it sounds like you are practicing outcome independence? Not to much pressure on yourself about that either, lol, we do pressure ourselves about every little thing.

Lizzy

 

I am indeed trying to practice outcome independence. In an outcome independent way.