My 1 year anniversary on this forum: what I’ve learned and what has changed

Wow it’s hard to believe one year ago was the first time I posted on this forum. Of course, I had lurked for a few months, like most people. I remember this day a year ago, I was probably at the lowest of my low. I couldn’t walk without assistance, I was in pain everywhere, I was weak, but most of all the very worst of all — I was absolutely without hope. I felt completely trapped and stuck and even though I have had TMS on and off throughout my life many times, this time it was different. It was way too many symptoms and they were also strange. I was too terrified to do anything. It’s the absolute worst feeling there is. Dr. David Hanscom, who heals people of TMS, calls it The Abyss.

Since that day a year ago, I have been on this forum every day. It would be impossible to name all the things I’ve learned here. It’s been an absolute overhaul of my entire being. I’ve listened to suggestions and followed them; I’ve learned by the repetition of things that are key to healing; I’ve been inspired by those who have healed who have graciously shared their wisdom. But most of all —drop by drop, day by day —I began to lose my fear, and I started to get some hope.

So what is really different now physically? To be honest, not that much. But, I say this with a smile because I know that the physical is sometimes the last thing to change. I had a great big closet full of garbage to go through and it’s still a work in progress. Almost every way that I lived and looked at life was too stressful and had to be changed. I learned that anxiety has dogged me my entire life and how to soothe it. About a week ago, I actually felt anger for the first time in my body—in my life. I didn’t let it scare me. I just accepted it and felt it. I knew this was really important and a big victory for me.

Yesterday, I started an exercise program. I feel like I can do it and I feel like I want to do it. This is a really new feeling: I don’t want to be a victim anymore. Muscles can be built and I’m going to build them. Pain can be defied and I’m going to defy it.

Sending hugs and thanks to everyone here! You don’t know how much you mean to me! ❤️

 

You left out how much you have inspired others!

 

❤️

 

Really? If you think so!

 

If you think it goes there. Please move it. Thank you!

 

I agree with this very much. <3

 

Can you please describe what symptoms you were having?

 

Thank you, but I am struggling desperately. I went through this 10 years ago and I'm back here again with the same thing and I cant believe this is happening again. I was running half marathons a month ago and seriously a few days later I can barely walk. I have severe neck pain and my legs are completely weak and full of pain. I really want this to be TMS but the leg symptoms just dont match up with neck tension. I can see tension in the arms but legs are so far from the neck. I just am convinced I'm going to be paralyzed soon.

 

@Meblue
Something about your panic level makes me think you won’t listen to what I’m going to say. But I’ll try anyway. I hate knowing how scared you are.

First off: your question tells me that you don’t understand TMS at all. Why do you think your neck would cause leg problems? What do you think is causing your neck problems? The answer to both of these questions is: TMS. You have TMS. It causes what you have. Now: your job is to do the EMOTIONAL work to heal it. That will take a LOT of work. And you can start by following Jan’s advice.

But— if you want us to give you a structural diagnosis, like a doctor, then you have to go to a doctor. You could go to a TMS doctor. We have a list of them on this site.

Your brain is causing your neck pain and leg symptoms because it’s trying to protect you from your emotions. This is Sarno 101. Stop looking at symptoms and start looking at your emotions, your life, your personality, your past. You’re looking in the wrong place. You won’t be paralyzed. But if you don’t do The Work, (your TMS homework), you could have these symptoms potentially for a long time—so in essence, your life will be paralyzed. And you don’t want that!

Your TMS is back after 10 years because you still have work to do. That’s what TMS does. It keeps trying to protect you from your deep-seated emotions. And anxiety adds to all of this. The excess adrenaline that you are pumping into your system can cause weakness, tingling, and spasms in your legs. (Read: Hope and Help for Your Nerves, by Claire Weekes. She explains all this.) I have been really helped by her book.

Do your homework and stop worrying! That’s my best advice.

 

Glad to seeing you having progress! Keep it up!