Day 15 My belief in the TMS diagnosis?

The pain has always moved sometimes it's there sometimes not - which is so strange. Not only that but the feelings in my body are related to emotions: wanting to give up feelings of despondency etc. And how does this make me feel about the TMS diagnoses - well it does make sense that what I have is TMS - depression can I think be experienced as physical pain. But there is making sense and there is really knowing in your knower!

Last night for example I felt no issues really at all with my feet ( my big TMS issue) I think the alcohol I drank temporarily suppressed my depression - but this is not a good long term solution. Yesterday when I was experiencing extreme physical pain raising my mood by looking at porn - it helped. The porn was a kind of balm to my aching body. My brain was able to alleviate to a degree my physical pain. I do have moral issues about looking at porn both religious and in terms of the way it makes me view women. But it did work - though I don't think it is a long term solution : - ).

So the conclusion of what I really think - well apart from the issues I have regarding not trusting my own thinking and conclusions - an issue in itself. I think there is without doubt an emotional element to my suffering - is this all it is? I think the whole thing (the TMS diagnoses) is worth pursuing. Though it is not sensible to try to put my arm up my back so to speak - to try to pressure myself into believing TMS - this won't work. But putting some faith in the TMS diagnoses by looking to the psychological dimension of my life is a good idea and I will be persuaded by what is real to me what I see.

A prayer - open my eyes Oh Lord to the truth where ever it lies - the truth will set me free.

 

Oh Clive, I so appreciate your post. You have such willingness to give of yourself, to learn and want others to learn from you.

I have had depression all my life. I could never discuss it because I had so much shame. I felt like I was an intelligent person.. why can't I figure this out. Why can't I find someone to fix me. Now, most of the time no depression. I have to manage my thoughts everyday to be depression free.

My addiction was alcohol to drown my emotional pain. Now most of the time I don't feel the need to drink too much but when I do I know I need to journal about my thoughts.

You are making such great progress. My arms are wrapped around you.

 

Thanks Stella

 

Hey Clive, how did this journey go for you? Thanks for the courage to post this

As a follower of Christ, I struggled with porn for 14 years and the negative effects were very hindering...

Would love to hear how things are going now