Day 1 my first post

I had what I have labeled a breakdown just over 12 months ago. What kind of breakdown this was I am still none too sure. What I am aware of at this time is that something seemed to change for the worse - I got a whole load of symptoms. Some of which I will outline below.

I have attempted to expand on this label numerous times between now and then. This is what you do when you are in pain / discomfort. A list of these labels will give you a better idea of where my mind has been at.

• B12 deficiency symptoms - I was given a whole load of blood tests when the symptoms first came up and the B12 came out as being low. I got a whole load of B12 shots and my B12 levels are now very high. My doctor still thinks this is what is at the route of my problems.
• Mental breakdown - in the early stages when the symptoms arose I was extremely panicked - I could not sleep, I was hyper-sensitive to any symptoms I had, I had agro phobia. I was in a extremely anxious state.
• Parkinson's, MS and any other nerve condition that I could find to Google. This was me panicking really.
• Demon possession etc - this may seem a little crazy to people who are main-stream Christians or people who have no faith at all - but these types of beliefs are held by a surprisingly large number of people.

I suppose I had settled on B12 deficiency symptoms and what I was dealing with was the fall out from low B12. My doctor actually said, in response to me asking whether all the pain and discomfort could be in my head (caused by my mind), he said: "This type of thing could be made worse by a state of mind but that it couldn't to be the cause of the problem". This is kind of interesting that he should say this because it is exactly the point made by Dr Sarno in his book 'The Mind Body Prescription'.

So what are the symptoms: mainly numbness/pain in the feet, pain in the legs, Tinnitus and pins and needles / electirc feelings throughout my body. When it's bad it's really bad. Sometimes however when I'm relaxed out walking for example I hardly notice it.

The symptoms themselves arose when pressures were being put on me by my family to take a level of responsibility that I did not want to take on - classic Sarno unconscious rage?

Why do I suspect TMS well I have in the past had IBS, and back ache both arose at extremely stressful times and have since disappeared. More recently I have had chronic sinusitis which immediately disappeared when my new symptoms arose. Also my personality type is that I am a perfectionist - in fact I am hardly aware that I am a perfectionist as I assumed all others were like me and that this was normal. In this respect I push myself very hard to achieve the best I possibly can. I am stoic and push myself quite hard. Anxiety and fear yes I have these as well and probably a bit of low self esteem.

So where am I so to speak - well I am not as bad as I was when I first had my 'break down' - things are still a struggle. I am hoping that the label of TMS is not another label I will discard further down the line when I find it doesn't apply to me. I am attempting to think psychological and am open to TMS ideas. I suppose its all a little hard to believe that the mind, more specifically 'my mind' could be doing all this to me.

 

Aint life weird

 

4 years ago I was told I was going to have a mental breakdown. I thought I was going to have one too.... I am not sure what that means. I was under terrible stress trying to take care of my parents. i had incredible pain. Depression was at its worse. I was loosing so much weight. I was trying to do it all. My sister and brother had let me down. I just wanted to drive off into the sunset never to return.

Then my life changed forever. Day by day I discovered new insights about myself. I read The Divided Mind twice before I found this site. A window opened into my mind. Slowly the pieces came together. It all made sense for the first time in my life.

Clive, it will make sense for you too.

 

Thanks Stella