Day 32 My Last Mistake

The last mistake I made was yesterday. My friend invited me to a car show and then to the amusement park. I really didn't want to go. I was going to be the third wheel. I didn't want to let him down, so I made up an excuse that I was too busy with a home improvement project. It wasn't true. I didn't want him to know that I wasn't interested in being the third wheel with him and his wife. I love both of them, but sometimes certain activities just magnify the fact that I'm single and my friends are all married. I appreciate being invited. I'm glad they think of me when planning activities. I am mad at myself for lying and not letting my feelings be known to them. I need to learn how to share these feelings in a more constructive way, perhaps I should bring it up casually and not only when I get invited to things I'm not interested in. The lying is not helping me or my friends. It's just adding more guilt. To be honest, it's very rare that I turn down these invitations. This goes back to being a "yes" man. It's perfectly healthy to say "no" every once in a while.

- Matt

 

Hi, Matt. I have no interest in car shows and I've outgrown interest in amusement parks long ago,
so I probably also would have declined the invitation. But I can understand you declining because you would feel like the third wheel with your friend and his wife. I used to feel a little left out among my married friends, but then changed my mind about that. Now I like being included in their lives, and invited to dinners, cookouts, and their parties. I think a lot of married couples like having a friend or two along on their outings. For those with children, I became a frequent visitor and "uncle." You may just not have felt like going on those trips. Don't let your Inner Bully trouble you about this. I don't think you were lying, you were excusing.

Some of my best married friends, and with kids, too, later divorced. Now I am friends just with the husbands because the wives want to be with their girlfriends.