My story (just starting TMS/MBS/ISTDP), looking for any advice.

Welcome everyone!
First of all, as i read this forum, i only feel positivity here. (true i only read succes stories, but i feel this forum is really positive)

TLDR: Actual symptoms at the end. (tinnitus, visual snow, brainfog, no libido, no energy-mental and soul, mild ibs, mild insomnia)

Starting MBS/TMS 2024 jan + ISTDP 2023 dec // My overall state 2024.01.24 around 4-4.5/10.

I’d like to share my TMS/MBS/CFS story or state, and how this, i call disharmony is actually going on. Sorry for wall of text, but trying to be accurate as possible. (for me CFS = MBS or TMS)
Actually participating ISTDP therapy, as a client (6 sessios atm). Doing MBS/TMS since 2024 jan.

So i am kind of new to this whole thing. I have to mention i am a medical doc, my partner also, and my father also.

Things i am using: Sarno’s work, Schubiner’s work, Steve Ozanich, Gabor Mate, for now, but ill expand these, a little bit. (+ISTDP therapy) Starting meditations, finally i can feel some emotions. (i havent cryed for years, i started to cry again since 2023 july).

I had some decent childhood traumas, physical and mental abuse. Inferiority, low self esteem, then this turned upside down, and became kind of narcisisstic, but i could not harm anyone, never openly blame, curse anyone (hard core repressed anger, since that made me survive childhood, so i did not show my emotions to caregivers, parents)
After these i learned the way i can get love, is to perform, so as i started to perform hardcore i got a lot selfconfidence, and with that, the low selfesteem turned into a form of narcissim, first time in life, „developed” in a few years, so maybe too fast change.

After uni, my life collapsed. I could avoid all direct confrontation situations before work, but when i started to work this was not possible. Paired with unrealistic expectations, workoholism, sedatives, relationship problems, cannot say no.

After everything collapsed, i quitted work, and after a few months i only become worse and worse. It took me 1 year until i realized there is some serious problem (first i thought i just burned out), and another 6 month until i godbless, completly random, found an istdp practitioner, a therapist, what turned out later, was probably the perfect for this situation.

So this was the clearest shortest possible option to tell my story.
I dont take any decent medication, no supplements (only multivitamin, vitamin D, and bloodpressure).

My simptoms in chronology:
Up to 12 years:
Inferiorty,
and low selfestem,
and adhd-like symptoms,
hyperactivity as a child
After that some relief (we moved, and i felt i will start a new life, and i did that exactly), adhd-like and hyperactivity symptoms were completly gone, focus turned a little bit inside, id become calm, playful, free.

Around 16, things started mildly (trauma there again, i lost good contact with my brother, he started hang out more with friends instead of me, and that was a great deal of trauma to me, and i got „forced” into a highschool where i didnt wanted to go, hated to be there):
mild insomnia
extremly mild vision problem (-0.25 dpt started at random, after a stressfull period)
and highbloodpressure, from 120/80, to 130-140/80.

After highschool, around 19-20 years:

Mild-moderate depression, no other symptoms. Wasn’t able to concentrate, i mean didn’t had the inner power to do it.
Then things changed (break up, then a different partner and i got skyrocketed, new good school, and then preparing to medschool, from nothing):
All symptom presisted, no new, but hypersexuality appeared, and the start of appearnce some narcisistic line, but growing self esteem.

Doing university:
Sleep problems got worse and worse, nothing else changed. From the middle of Uni I was only able to sleep with pills. (now i can sleep without any medication)

After uni:
The collapse... The summer before work, or after uni was ok, but there was a kind of, lingering tiredness a little bit more then should, but not too much. Definetly low libido, but i felt i will not be able to work hard. But i forced myself... (soon developed fatigue, IBS, loss of libido, anxiety, mild-moderate concentration deficit mostly because of increasing anxiety and deep emotional tension)

So after work started, in a few months, begun full blown:
I started to have more and more fatigue (physical and mental)
soon gastrointestinal problems (i already got them mildly for around 1 year)
and rapid increase in anxiety. (again already had it for around 1 year but not so terrible)
Unrinary infection, NO-std (still recurrent from time to time, no reason)
After UTI i lost my libido (i already had libido problems for 1 year prior, it was coming and go away)
After UTI also developed low back pain for 1-2 months, then it was gone.
Then chronic pelvic pain for 3-4 months, and that is also gone.
Lot of antibiotics after UTI, which further worsened my IBS.
After the urinary infection Covid, at first i though this is long covid, but now i know, nope.

Then i got so fatigued, and anxious, i quitted job, but nothing happened. IBS, fatigue, zero libido stayed. I started develop brainfog, and high anxiety in any public situation. This whole thing got ramped up in like… 3-6 months. But the first hit was the completly loss of my libido after the UTI. I was at 2 urologist, they said everthing ok, found nothing. One said, good luck with carrier starting, so he meant this is stress induced, the other one said, „this going to be long” and he also clearly suggested stress or anxiety.

Then long story short, after 1 year to these events, things got so bad i started doing FMT (fecal microbial transplant), wich (and now look), MOSTLY fixed my IBS, and digestion, and my physical energy. (before FMT i literally could not digest any food) At the moment, i only have IBS only acutely when i got acute stress, and i literally can feel it, but otherwise no problem. But before FMT-s, IBS was a non stop problem, without stress, i was going to bathrom atleast 3-4 times per day, if i was at home (and this was kind of the same for 1 year before any antibiotics). If i was going out, and got some stress then 6-8 times.

I read the in some case CFS can be heald by FMT, and yes some thing improved. Here is one case:
https://carrotquinn.com/2017/07/09/how-diy-fecal-transplant-has-so-far-cured-my-ibs-and-chronic-fatigue-with-monthly-updates/ (How DIY Fecal Transplant Cured My IBS and Chronic Fatigue (with updates at the end))

So my life become smaller and smaller. Still small, but growing .

The symptoms i had at the start of „CFS”, POTS like symptoms in really really mild, and serious physical fatigue was mostly gone after FMT-s!
BUT, in June i started to have Tinnitus (literally felt it after an FMT), and developed visual snow/blurry vision, in a few weeks-months! (after my GIT problems mostly got solved).
My mental fatigue didnt really changed, it only improved with time as i started to be a little more relaxed. Now i am in a lot better state, but still around 4-5/10 overall.

Around this time i got frequent urination problems (day/night), what also gone, i had it for like 6-8 months. Physical fatigue also mostly gone so i can move completly freely, (or completly gone i guess), but my limiting factor is mental and emotional fatigue.

So after a lot FMTs, my IBS gradually got better from 3/10 to 6-7/10, over 3 months, but developed tinnitus and visualsnow/blurry vision.
I know FMT kind of a new thing, but honestly i dont think FMT have any connection to these sysmptoms on a physical level. (i know there is all kind of gut axis, brain-gut, brain-eye etc… but that seems like even more scifi then MBS or TMS for those who dont know this, but i do 100% belive in the MBS or TMS)


Now (7) : (ear, eye, brain, libido, energy-mental and soul, mild ibs, mild insomnia)
After a big vomiting event in october, my tinnitus went from a simple 1-3 (mostly 1-2), to a 2-4 (mostly 3-4), with changed dynamic, now i dont only hear one sound, but i also hear a subtle „beeping, morze like sound”. (My parter and my father say there is no chance that vomit doing any physical damage, so i guess the stress that i lived there was the factor that increased my tinn)
Visual snow/blurry vison/contrast problems/bad vision in low light doesnt change at all, its got worse after my digestion slowly got better, and its still stable since then, so there is no change no negative no positive. (i kind of feel my eyes are tired, but people dont see it, its like the visual snow effect eats the information from the world and somehow my brain cannot process it) so ye, really hard to describe this symptom.
My brainfog (memory, concentration, thinking) goes with anxiety, but i almost contasntly feel „dull or blunt”, and low mental energy.
Still no libido. (my ISTDP therapist said, energy, libido, and anger are connected)
IBS only stress related, and digestion is finally quite OK. (6-7/10 and i am sure this will be even better as i will improve) ** my digestion problems was kind of solved completly early november to this level, where i am now.
Insomnia improved a lot during the last 6 months, its vary, depends on anxiety but definelty getting better, from month to month.
And ZERO muscular problems, i never had any.

So the feeling of visualsnow/eye problems and tinnitus, is literally a NOISE in my central nervous system, i think brainfog also join here and my surfaced anxiety or past traumas, making these „noise” they found this 2-3 organ, and they sit on them.

The things that is acutely change with anxiety is the brainfog, IBS, and tinnitus (but these only go up). If i become relaxed, by doing some Schubiner work, these improve a little bit, but i'd rather say its more like a tendency, not a big shift or change. And i was able to experinece anger, like literally energy flowing throu my chest, throat, hands, brain, fantastic feeling, and i was able to do it multiple time, first i got some relief, but after that, it seems like gone or i dunno...

Tests:
I had done labor test, all negative, chest-rtg negative, cardiac test negative ultrasound, Brain MRI negative, i got eyeglasses few months ago optalmologist checked my eye and said its completly ok. Gastroenterologist said, like wait and see . As i mentioned urologist found nothing. I havent been at ENT with my tinnitus, but i dont see any purpose to do it at this point.

So:
My father telling me these are all psychosomatic symptoms (eye,libido,brain,ear,sleep,digestion), and my body is full healthy, my partner says exactly the same. I THINK the same but i am anxious.
After i did some practice, and started Schubiners worksheets, i got some relief, not big breakthrough, but definitive decrease general anxiety, unspeakable improve in sleep, and got a little bit better, even tinnitus got lower for a few days, especially in the morning, but ramp up really fast as i start to think and stress, but i am got kind of back in a few days where i started, but i feel my mindset changes. I see this isnt going to be a few weeks, but in time, months, with decent presistant work, and kindess and with a lot of selflove, working throu past traumas i’ll see results.

So was able to decrease anxiety by think, or belivle, and feel i can heal, and this is the right path, and my symptoms will melt. So i will got little better at first. But i think the reality maybe harder and slower, so thats why i got back where i started.
I think is all realted to fear and anxiety, that i wont improve super fast , so my set back is because of disappointment (unrealistic expectations, unpatiance).
In my opinion i soon can start enjoy life again, slowly, as i getting back some of my functions (I was able to meet up some people without mentalcrash, was fantastic), bit by bit slowly, but actually i often suffering by lamenting on my state. But i can work, but no pleasure in my life at the moment (YET!), unlucky. I am working on these.

So in my opinion, now i know all of this, i should go and start living again, do not care about symptoms.
And i read people suffer with totally other symptoms, unbearable body-pain, sore throat, jointpains, irritable or painful bladder etc… so i just have different distribution. As Sarno wrote, we have no idea what system, or organ will be involved in the process.

What do you think, can be all of these MBS related? Is that OK that my symptoms are constant an chronic? (and what do you think about the long term outcome, based on am really motivated, and happy about this whole possibility i got realized late 2023, early 2024.) So i want to change my life for the better. My psychologist said, probably i will be in much much better state, at the end of therapy, like i ever was. (what i 100% belive, but i still not 100% convinced about my symptoms! )

***Sorry for bad english, thank you for reading!
Best regards!!!
(I hope i'll write a beautiful success story in the future, and i can quote this )

They gave me a lot of motivation (tinnitus searches):
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/healed-tinnitus-sciatica-as-and-more.22052/ (Healed tinnitus, sciatica, AS, and more...)
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/a-physicians-tms-story-rsi-hyperacusis-and-much-more.7658/page-3 (A Physician's TMS story - RSI, Hyperacusis and much more.....)
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/my-tms-success-story.3705/ (My TMS success story)
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/healed-for-10-years.3556/ (healed for 10+ years) (sensitive to bright light, SAD, eye pain, )
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/recovery-from-ms-mcs-lyme-ebv-mold-lead-using-neural-retraining-sarno.21319/ (Recovery from MS/MCS/lyme/EBV/mold/lead using Neural Retraining + Sarno) (Blurry eyesight/contrast issues)