Day 1 My story

My background:
I am here for my stomach issues (burning pain, reflux/burping, stomach pressure after eating, significant weight loss as a result etc.) that started 7 months after I had a knee injury that required a surgery and forced me to stop my favorite sport since then and maybe/probably for ever. I did all the necessary GI tests to rule out any serious physical reasons, but nothing was found, so I was diagnosed with functional dyspepsia and sent home.

On a rational level, I am convinced that the stomach issues are TMS as both my personality traits (perfectionist etc.) and my "background" fit nearly perfect: I had a serious disease as a child and a relapse in my 40s (which were clearly physical) but I am now healed from it. I thought I have processed these traumatic events very well but it not unlikely that it looks quite different in my unconscious. And as the sport helped me a lot to come back to normal after the relapse, the prospect of never been able to practice it at all (or at least not at the level I was) probably brought up a lot of that trauma and was probably a trauma of its own.

My actual "TMS status":
I discovered TMS approx. 4 weeks ago. I have read the book by Sarno (the divided mind) and Gordon (the way out) and completed the online pain recovery program. I also subscribed to the curable app. Although all sources mainly talk about chronical pain, I could very much identify with most of it. Since what I did so far, did not lead to any improvements yet, i decided to do the SEP now step-by-by and started today. As it is recommended a lot here, I also ordered the Claire Weekes book today. I am single, live alone and currently working from the home-office. I know that this not helpful for my recovery but it is nothing I cannot change shortly.

Although I am very much convinced that what I have is TMS, I realize that my unconscious is fighting against it, raising doubts that I will ever heal and recover (despite being TMS). I get optimistic when I feel a bit better, but when I have a flare up in symptoms, the doubts & fears come back to surface. Although I feel of not making progress, I guess it is already a step forward to be aware of that inner fight that goes on as a first step to overcome it.

I think this is all for now. Sorry if it became a bit too long but thanks a lot for reading it anyway.

 

Hey @berlinale,

Is it possible that you might be working too hard on the program? I'm just like you. I strive and am a perfectionist and really, really like to get things done. I found that once I limited myself to just two times a day (in the morning to do the actual program) and just a few minutes in the evening to answer any replies, my progress really shot up. It really clicked with me what Dr. Schubiner said about becoming indifferent to the pain.

I know it sounds silly, but when the pain flares up I kind of laugh at it and think of it like Jay from Jay and Silent Bob, and say "Fuck off, buddy. I know you like me and want to be around me, but I've got shit to do." It helps me be less serious about it and he's such a harmless character that I feel a sort of affectionate irritation instead of doom-spiraling and worrying. Like he's around sometimes trying to sell me weed or chase skirt, but he'll get bored and leave eventually.

I know it can be hard for folks to make friends outside of work, but have you considered auditing a class at your local community college (something just for pleasure and learning) or joining a Meetup group for something you're interested in?

I'm a potter which means I'm alone a lot in my studio, so I decided to take a high level ceramics course and it's been joyous watching brand new students learning to center and pull their first forms.

I know you can do this! Stomach rebellion sucks, but you are so capable. You healed and felt good before and you'll do again!

 

Hey @homorobothead

Thanks a lot for your kind words. you are right. I think I work too hard to get better. I want to give the best I can to become better (as quickly as possible) but that is obviously counterproductive. I am convinced about the concept of outcome independence on a rational level but i am struggeling to put this into action. In fact i start to blame myself for not getting better because "since I don't i must do something wrong". I know these are stupid thoughts but it is hard to stop them for me. The good thing is that I become more and more aware of that negative cycle. hopefully this is the first step to break it.