My TMS History (I need help) - From Brazil

Hi everyone,
My name is Daniel and i'm a 31 years old Brazilian (Rio). I love surfing and sports in general. I would like to tell my history about TMS and some helpful words are welcome.
Imagine how hard was to find treatment and support in USA back in the day, now imagine in Brazil. There are zero people or anything about psychosomatic disorders. I think that there are nothing relate to this in the Portuguese language. As you can see i know how to speak some English, and so far that was my salvation, at least for a self-diagnostic conclusion.
I had a low back (especially when driving) pain 7 years ago, that after some treatment nothing has actually changed. In the MRI was herniated disk. After some letting go attitude, the pain ceased. Now i see that the pain has ceased because i had a boss change at work. By the way for better.
Now the times are darker. I have a accute upper back pain (thoracic) for almost 1,5 years, that usually concentrates on the vertebrae area and the muscles around. The MRI shows a small bulgid disk. Basically nothing compared with the pain and fear involved all this time. Now i see that the start was only a neckpain for badsleep that was aggravated more and more being feeded by fear. Now basically i have a little monster on my back. I saw chiropractors and physiotherapists with some up and downs.
I had tree TMS problems at the same time including this one.
A hand and a neck pain which after the self-diagnose has been gone. The hand i was indicated to do a surgery.
I am an engineer and a classic worrier, perfectionistic, goodist, highly self-critic. When i make a mistake i abuse myself internally but when the mistake is with others i have a unreal understandment and compassion. I always arrive early at work and leave late (my head says what is people gonna think about me if I arrive late??).
My childhood was good but now i see that my personality traits have come from this time basically because my parents never talked about feelings with me. I am extremely introspective and have a big difficult to meet new people (inside has some fear of being judged some how). All this characteristics became more evident when i start working on the age of 20.

The start of the pains was on the end of a very stressfull time of work (a lot of accumulate rage with clients that I could not explode and treat unwell – working sometimes 16 hours a day just to show the clients my all commitment – combined inside with outside pressure made me definitely furious inside) and 2 months after my wife lost a baby in 3 months of pregnancy (we now have a little beautiful girl home with just 22 days, but was also a really stressful pregnancy).

The main (and kind funny) evidence of TMS was when i had to be off work for 2 months (home vacation because I accumulate many vacation period). The pain was basically gone for that period (i thought of even start a hardcore jiu-jitsu class and was a very happy time). By the time i got back to work all came back slowly.
I readed the Healing Back Pain and made the self-diagnosis 5 or 6 weeks ago. I am in a very deep self understandment, reading now The Divided Mind and writing about my feelings and the possible rage and sadness source.

I had an addiction of always touching the main pain point on my back to see how the pain was at that specific moment. If it was ok I became happy and afraid and if it was bad I became sad and much more afraid. Definitely that was an increase pain and fear engine attitude. Since the diagnosis I do not touch my back but it is always “calling” me for some attention. The next day of my diagnosis my back was in a lot of pain (probably a reaction for the disdain).
I had some improvement (no hand and neck pain anymore and the back was getting well) and had a wonderfull last weekend with basically no pain until the middle of Sunday.
But since Monday my pain has increased and with the company of some sadness that i thinks come from a frustation of the rollercoaster of getting better and getting worst. Or maybe the sadness (kind of a depressive one) is just another imperative symptom or a reaction of putting emotions out.

I am an anxious person and when reading the books i always search for the period of recovery. This week has beeing hard to keep the toughts away from the pain. Sometimes it’s impossible to getting away of it.

Please help me with some advices or tips to keep going and don't lost hope. I am doing exercises (regular gym classes) and surfing in the weekends and always trying to don't let the pain dominate my conscience (but is getting harder). I will OVERCOME this!

 

"I am an engineer and a classic worrier, perfectionistic, goodist, highly self-critic. When i make a mistake i abuse myself internally but when the mistake is with others i have a unreal understandment and compassion. I always arrive early at work and leave late"

That's about it. That coupled with your chronic 'checking and rechecking' of your pain spot (which is OCD of the body)... sarno's comparison of irrational thinking in Healing Back Pain made a profound impact on me because I had HAD OCD like symptoms in the past. I am now 100% healed.

...and it's really simple. The Three R's. Refute the diagnosis.... call out the BS that is modern structural mythology
Return to activity.... the more vigorous the better... Surfing, Jiu Jitsu would be awesome!!
Re-condition your brain..... when you become aware that the pain has your attention, turn your brain to an unsavory topic like a bad relationship or a financial difficulty....that was Imperative for my quick recovery (about 4 weeks after 18 months on my ass)

Though this sounds simple, it takes a concerted force of focus. Just be Like Ty Cobb and PLAN on winning and you will! It is like a war in your own body...second place is first loser... be the gracious WINNER

and review the 12 daily reminders. If you have extra time scan the texts and look for cues to your own peculiar situation emotionally and write, scribble, write, review, contemplate and then write some more.

you will win portugueso!
-pax

 

oh yeah.... when people who are NOT getting better and want to banter on about their PHYSICAL symptoms, ignore them studiously! Avoid any discussions of the fairytales of chronic 'injury'

 

Thanks for the words! Looks like when i focus on something else for a while the pain decrease. When we review the reminders or write about feeling and stuff, some how we came back to the reason that we are doing that (The MTF pain).
Is not better just to have a letting go attitude and disdain the pain as long i have been totally aware of the diagnosis?

 

Good question. I can only convey my own experience, but I had a particularly effective and fast cure. I was ripped off in a music deal by a comrade RIGHT as I was reading HBP. My friend unwittingly gave me that bad relationship/financial difficulty that Sarno talks about. Every time I felt the pain, I imagined beating the F>>K out of him with a bat and explaining why between blows. Of course I have disdain for him, but the gestalt act of violence did wonders. I can worry about the negative impact of those kind of resentments later... Obviously they themselves can fester and turn into illness themselves, but for now you are getting out of pain!!!! Your conscious ,adult ego can "let go" all you want, but it's the childish, wild, unreasonable realm of the unconscious that is giving you the pain!! That is the buried monster you are talking too.....telling it you no longer need it's services...that you are wise to it..... otherwise that 'good dude' is gonna limp along for awhile