Day 1 My TMS Journey & Healing

About three years ago in my mid 30’s I started experiencing low back pain after a lifetime of playing sports and going to the gym. I remember the pain starting after my knee surgery and I was immobile for a period of time. I was always active going to the gym 5-6 days a week. Looking back, I used the gym and running as a way to cope with the stress. I’ve been working in corporate America since graduating college and put an extreme amount of pressure on myself.

I went to the doctor and they recommended to go to PT. That worked a little bit but didn’t solve my pain issue so I went to the chiropractor. It made me feel better but started getting new pains in my neck and mid-back. I then went back to PT for all three areas low back, mid back, and neck. Felt really good and the pain disappeared 90% and was completely pain free for a while. I decided I wanted to get an MRI just to get a baseline and check if I had any herniations. Turns out I have a couple low back herniations, a couple neck herniations, and one in my mid back. At the time of the MRI my mid back felt good. But a few days after the diagnosis I started feeling some pain in that area. Turns out that my low back herniations have been around for awhile. However, my neck and mid back herniations are relatively new. I’m not sure how it happened but if I had to guess it was my chiropractor and/or PT and/or car accident that I had. I’m trying not to dwell on how I got these herniations as I don’t feel that is productive. I am where I am and can only control how I move forward.

I’ve read Dr. Sarno’s Healing Back Pain (finished 2 weeks ago) and completed Week Zero in the SEP program. I’m not sold that 100% of my pain is TMS but I believe a large portion is. The reasons why I believe I have TMS is I fit the profile from a personality perspective. The clips I listened to about having a drill instructor in my head and lacking self compassion resonated with me. I feel like my body is just worn out from the stress and emotions that I’m suppressing all day. I always believed that the underlying anger is what fueled me to be successful. The pain that I’m experiencing is on the milder slide compared to some stories I read here. It is very transitory and travels between different parts of my mid back, neck, and other times I feel it in my lower back. I also feel random nerve pain such as pins and needles in my foot. The pain tends to go away rather quickly but travels to another area. The pain is hardly ever in two spots at once. I also went for a period of time after I did PT which I was pain free for a couple weeks. A large portion of that pain-free time was on vacation where I had less stress. I believe I have TMS as I don’t understand how my pain is traveling so much. Also, my mid back pain got worse after I learned I had a herniation there which doesn’t make sense if it’s structural. I was in no pain at the time of the diagnosis. I’m a worrier and I tend to overthink and I’m here to see how my journey goes. I appreciate the support and am open to advice.

 

Hello crestpoin, I can relate on many levels.

I am very empathetic towards others and will bend over backward to help, but for myself, no mercy. I had a total right hip replacement and now my left hip hurts. Like you, some of the pain IS structural, but a lot of it likely is due to stress and other situations. I coined my pain as 'traveling pains'. Doctors looked at me crazy when I tried to explain and after much testing, they offered Xanax to me. What?? Yep. Xanax.

I refused Xanax and knew it had to be something else. TMS seems to answer so many of my questions and I am excited to start the journey. Today is my day 1. Wishing you all the best!

 

Hi @crestpoint ! Welcome!
You seem to be almost aware that you have TMS. That’s half the battle! Your belief will grow as you go along. Pick a path and start. That’s great you’ve read Healing Back Pain. Maybe read it again. It will sink in. From the quotes above, You seem like you might greatly benefit from the Pain Recovery Program here in the wiki. Don’t give up. Keep learning and applying. Read the Success Stories. And post about your journey to get support and advice. This is a great place to be!