My TMS manifestation isn't pain !

Hi
my tms manifestation isn't pain (grateful), but it does protect me from intolerable emotions (according to my brain). My intolerable emotions are feeling unsafe in the moment, and not good enough, like there's somthing threatening me but I can't determine what, and that my loved ones will realise I have deep vulnerabilities/insecurities and once they see these things in me, they will leave me and I'll be alone in life.
There are other parts of me that feel the opposite, and I'm grateful for that, but this part of me exists, shows it self when I get tiggered, and my emotions spiral into defencesiveness, arguement, deflection and blame and so on rather than feel my intolerable emotions in that moment. This has been a pattern for a long time that I am trying to break.

Any ideas would be welcome ?

 

It sounds like your TMS is manifesting in generalized anxiety. I don't think this is particularly unusual for TMS, which is often linked with anxiety. It also sounds like you're more concerned about your response to these waves of anxiety, which is reasonable but it is probably better to get to the root rather than the response.

 

Journaling about these issues can really help you get the message into your brain that thoughts and worries are not truth and that vulnerabilities and insecurities are some of the properties that make us loveably human and unique and a way for others to connect with us. They are not bad, not good, they just are. Journaling helps you deal with thoughts.
Claire Weekes books are excellent tools to deal with anxiety.

 

Yes I agree. Getting to the root is where healing and change lie. I think the root for me lies in lacking a feeling of safety. In the past I've looked for safety from my partner, rather than from myself, at times of emotional stress. I am addressing this

 

Thank you. I'm working through the SEP at the moment and finding journalling very helpful. I loved your reply by the way Knowing I'm a lovable human helps a lot, even though I'm not perfect. And I'll read Claire Weekes

 

Thank you. Yes, I'm finding journalling very helpful. And yes, RUT's....I've noticed that. I'm still digging to uncover these

 

It might, it might not. But you'll find out when you do the work, starting with the journaling that @JanAtheCPA suggested above. You're in good hands getting advice here, from her and many others.

 

today I experienced some self talk that has been common for me. Not so much in words in my head but sensations of 'somethings wrong' and the urge to withdraw, and shut down. Its affects my 'vibe' and not in a good way. I'm grateful I have awareness around this. I didn't always.
I'm open to all ideas to address this. I'm working on it myself of course, but more heads are better than one, and often times, I'll pick up something helpful and life changing I would otherwise have missed, relying on myself alone

 

Yes, I'm starting to realise I can talk back to my brain and it 'listens'

 

It does, but don't get frustrated if it plays deaf. The unconscious is being bombarded by false data from the amygdala. It's not an easy task for it. But it will get better given time and neuroplasticity.

 

Hi, @andyships !
I have exactly what you’re describing and boy is it miserable. I recently discovered something that has been the single most effective thing I’ve been doing to make myself feel better. It’s found in a book called Feeling Good, by Dr. David Burns. The method is called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Basically, It trains you to recognize when you’re actually thinking incorrectly and how to replace it with a better thought. For example, you might be judging yourself harshly and making a blanket statement like “I’m a terrible person.” Then you recognize that this is an error in thinking —it’s an over generalization. You might be taking one little thing you did wrong and making it into you’re an entirely bad person. After you recognize that, you replace it with a more correct thought like, “I’m only human; sometimes I make mistakes, but overall, I’m pretty nice.”

I know this sounds kind of simplistic, but I’ve been doing it for several weeks now, and I noticed that I have patterns of the same negative thoughts that I think over and over that are very critical of me and it’s helped me realize that it’s what causes me to feel so bad all the time. I have gotten a little relief by changing my thinking, but I have to work on it every single day.

 

Yes, habits are hard to break, particularly when they've been with me my whole 62yrs. I'm rewiring a middle aged brain. It's no small feat. My brain plasticity definately has some brittleness weathered in there. I'll get there though. As I make meaningful changes in my responses to my emotions, I am encouraged to keep going. Its a journey.
Everyones' kind, caring words here confirm I'm going the right way......onward.

 

This is a nice summary of what CBT is. My problem is I am usually "in the dark" when my behavior happens so I am not even aware enough to come into fix it. I'm not sure what the answer there is. Similar to the old saying of "you don't know...what you don't know"....

 

I started doing this as a daily exercise. I think back over the past 24 hrs on some of the things I said to myself. (I dig deep.) After doing this for a month or so, I notice the bad things I think often repeat. Which is helpful! The next time it happens; I know just what to say to myself.

 

Thanks, that's helpful. Now I gotta try to remember to try it.

 

"It's no small feat. My brain plasticity definately has some brittleness weathered in there"

I'm gonna catch you right there and say that this is being hard on yourself in a subtle way, and a bit of victimization. I'm about the same age as you are, and I picture myself with a nice, Plasticine -type brain and a body that is flexible and slightly rubbery but very strong, kind of like a Stretch Armstrong doll. You want to teach your mind that the "brittleness and weathered" idea is a construct it's created to keep you from feeling like the work is normal, natural and easily incorporated into everyday life - that there is NOTHING at all wrong with you, or your age. It takes time, lots and lots of old habits (which is all they are) to turn around but it can be done and it does get easier.

 

Yes, I am (was) the same. In the dark. I've found it enlightening to meditate and recall the behaviour in the meditation, feel the bodily sensations associated with the behaviour (usually fear for me) and then try to go deeper with the question (whats under that ?). Hope that helps a little

 

i like that. Thank you