Nearly ... But Not Quite

Though journaling for nearly three years, I believe that my anger is directed at my (now former) best friend as he, like me, has been bullied into believing that money is more important that love. I believe he is stuck in a controlling relationship with his wife, who seems to have deep psychological problems of her own.

I am still trying to figure out the finer details of the anger, but I think this is what I have been repressing for a number of years, and would explain a lot of my other random symptoms other than the chronic back pain and dizziness.

None of the other treatments have worked for me to date, so unfortunately I will have to continue on with the journaling for another while yet.

Although it isn't a complete fix, I do believe I am days away from it.

 

Hi NIClubber,

It's great that you feel you are making progress, but don't forget that you don't always have to discover and exorcise the "thing" that gave rise to your TMS, indeed many people don't, but still recover. TMS is caused by being chronically tense, which may have it's roots in a particular event giving rise to unacceptable feelings, but it's perpetuated by fear of the symptoms themselves and all the negative "what if" conversations you have in your head.

Speaking from experience, I'd take a break from journalling about past events and concentrate on your current emotions, and what is going on in your life NOW.

Don't forget that TMS is a distraction, which can be very devious and inventive. Even journalling to work on your TMS can act as a distraction in itself. A paradox I know, but it can happen.

I was very sick with full blown fibromyalgia, chronic migrianes and crippling anxiety, but have come such a long way. I'm now mostly OK, but can have occasional flare-ups when very upset. I'm just heading out of one now, after a very diffcult few months with my mother who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, which is unfortunately progressing rather more quickly than we had hoped. Even so, my flare-ups are nothing like as bad as I was before I knew about TMS.

Change is what is needed to improve your symptons, you are alive now, what happened with your friend was sad and has obvioulsy had a profound effect on you, but once you have shed light on it and accepted it, it should be left in the past where it belongs. You need to work on how it's effecting you NOW, and work on ways to make you feel calmer and more fulfilled. Even small changes to routine can have a significant impact in getting your brain out of the pain habit.

Below is a short list of reminders, which helped me along the way :

• Understanding the process and losing fear of your symptoms is THE key to recovery.
• You don't have to uncover all your unconscious emotions.
• Blaming others gives away your power.
  
• It's your reactions to events which cause symptoms, not the events themselves.
• Don't put pressure on yourself to do this TMS healing thing "right", just feel your way through it.
• Don't beat yourself up for having "been so stupid, as to let yourself have TMS". That's the thing that held me back the longest.
• Treat yourself with compassion.
• If you have a bad day, don't over analyse it.
• Try to live in the moment and appreciate the good things in your life.
• You have oversensitized your autonomic nervous system, only calming your thoughts down will calm it down, nothing else.
• Stop scaring yourself with negative self talk. It's mostly nonsense anyway, pay no attention to it.

If you haven't already I would recommend that you read "The Great Pain Deception" by Steve Ozanich, it was a huge help to me. Also "Self Help For Your Nerves" by Claire Weekes, don't be put of by the title.

I hope maybe some of what I've said if helpful to you.

Just go easy on yourself and you'll be fine.

Bless you

 

Nothing is more important than love. And fear is the opposite of it. e.g. fear of not having enough money, not being good nough, not being successful enough, fear of not deserving love. Being not worthy of love. All this negative if old beliefs that can be changed. I read your profile. Have you heard of Marisa Peer? I wonder how much she charges good videos on youtube that makes sense. I am in bed and waiting for the pain to lift. Should I keep to daily task of journalling and reading, or should I force myself to get up and be back in bed after a minute when I spasm strong, and wait again in bed for hours to calm that pain? I feel it is a punishment just to do the basics of life.
Indimarshall posted today in success stories, maybe you could peek at that

 

I believe the TMS is caused by people around me putting more attention on money than love.

I have just found Marisa on the web, so will go and have a look at her.

I have read a couple of books more than once, and found they do help me understand, but do nothing to reduce the pain.