Need help with severe nerve pain

Dear TMS community,

I am here to ask for help for very severe and persistent nerve pain. I am not new to TMS but I am new to this forum, and to pain issues.
Below you can find my story. It has much more details to it but I do not want this post to be long. Please feel free to ask if you think that I am missing some important information.

Any insight would be much appreciated. Thank you for your time and reading.

I have neural pain (that started with shingles) around my left shoulder that keeps me awake all night. I fall asleep for 1-2 hours then wake up with pain. Medications do not help and after a month pain got gradually worse.
I am familiar with TMS methods and have undergone my personal psychotherapy (for 3.5 years). Previously I had depression and 10 years of persistent fatigue (it still affects me but less often).
This nasty pain has started as I declared myself free from depression and started living fully and creating a future for myself. At this point, I also felt intimidated by a long waited to-do-list.

I did not have pain issues before. Is this my TMS switching from depression to pain? If yes, given the gratitude of pain I am living with, I must have a huge TMS package lurking in my unconscious. But how is this possible after paying so much attention to my inner word? What else can I do?
I am a painter and through art I express myself. I also like dancing.

At the moment I feel too frustrated to paint; all I can do is pouring my frustration over the canvas with abstraction -and therefore it lacks any valuable insight. I cannot focus my attention enough to read or write much either.

I want this pain to go, or to be at least manageable so that I can sleep. I am afraid of using high doses of opioids because they can be addictive, but lower doses does not help at all. After living with pain for some time I can say that I am about to lose my mind.

Thank you again for your help. I wish you all a healthy and pain-free day,
L.

 

What is really grabbing your attention, giving you brain fog?
The fear.
You are pre-occupied with fear.
It’s really been giving you the I can’ts.. and having disrupted sleep doesn’t help.
Question: did you do any reading or searching out information on shingles when you had them?
Have you spoken to your Dr. about the pain? Did they actually suggest opioids?
You are concerned about depression, but I think it’s probably more like it’s anger. The word frustration is simply another word for frustration, often that’s turned towards ourselves consciously… but is there anything else that might possibly be lurking below the surface?
Shame for having symptoms again? (I think a lot of us fall into these feelings), and symptoms of anxiety, worry etc.
Claire Weekes books are excellent for anxiety. She discusses this brain foggy sensation you are having, what to do when you can’t sleep etc.
Maybe you can clear out a few cobwebs so that you’ll be able to feel a little more like you can do some TMS expressive work over the next little while.

 

Cactusflower, thank you for your comments and your kind questions. I tried to reflect on them to the best of my ability.

Yes there is fear, because I have a huge to-do-list and I am not sure if I can handle it all. But also I have changed a lot, I do not expect perfection from myself and I am satisfied with ‘good enough’. Since I am aware that I have fear, and I will move forward even if it means small steps, or doing the things in a slower manner, does not it mean that it’s a conscious process? And TMS is related to our unconsciousness. Therefore I assume there is something else…

I have dealt with brain fog for a very long time. This does not feel similar to that at all. I am too agitated to focus. I can function with my brain fog, and do expressive work because after having it for a very long time I have found ways. Pain is a lot distracting for me, feels like a torture.

The pain actually started before shingles rashes appeared. I did not suspect that they were related, and did not do any research on shingles. One night I woke up with pain and though I injured my shoulder (I have joint hypermobility, therefore joint issues have been a regular part of my life). I did not pay much attention. I went to see a doctor a week later, because the pain was getting worse. After 10 days shingles rashes appeared. I knew what it was because I had shingles two times before (without pain issues). I saw an internist and started with antivirals right away. Only then the doctor said that my joint pain and shingles are related (they appeared on the same location). For a long time I questioned if I really injured my shoulder, having pains over shingles made no sense to me, but all the doctors I saw are on the same page on this. Recently my general practitioner asked for a neck MRI, as he -after a month- now suspects that my pain might not be due to shingles.

I have seen a general practitioner, an orthopedist and finally a neurologist. General practitioner prescribed me with different analgesics, muscle relaxers, and an anticonvulsant. Later I saw a neurologist because medications did not help, and she suggested that I take opioids.

Shame for having symptoms again? Sure! I have been there many times, with depression and the fatigue, which came back and back… But when the pain hit me, I was at a moment of planning a future for myself. I was getting my artworks ready for my website. I was investing on my art network, having plans for exhibitions, creating art every day… I can say that I was someone new. Did it scare me? Yes again, but I was well aware of it^^ Now that I feel incapacitated, I have been receiving a lot of support, which makes me feel anxious, less than, shameful… but I can talk about these things too…

Last but not the least, I will read Claire Weekes. I feel like I need a new roadmap. Thank you for your suggestion.

All the best,
L.

 

Hi @loveanita
Welcome to the forum! You will find a ton of help here.

In my TMS history, I have rotated between depression, anxiety and pain. I have had episodes for each that lasted for years. So yes, I believe they are all 3 are part of the same problem: TMS. Right now, I have neuropathy and stiffness making it hard for me to walk and depending how bad my symptoms are, also putting me into pain.

It sounds like you’ve done a lot of work already! That’s great! But like me, you’re doubting if you can get better. What I’ve learned here (I’ve been on this forum for 4 months) is that you haven’t healed yet because you need more work and more time. It’s quite a difficult process, but at least it offers hope for a better future.

I found this free class on the forum to be very helpful. https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/ (Pain Recovery Program)

Keep at it. You can recover! There are a lot of success stories here.

 

Thank you for encouragement. I have started with the recovery program today, after coming across to it. I came a long way and did not actually realise that there is still much work to do, but my pain tells otherwise.

 

"Agitation" is anxiety, (ah, I've been there, and it seems to come with a type of brain fog, at least that's how I interpreted this phenomenon). It might just be a nervous system ramped up, and it might be some subconscious anger. Now you are starting the recovery program, you get the fun of finding out!
"Yes there is fear, because I have a huge to-do-list and I am not sure if I can handle it all" why not try journaling about that and seeing exactly where it goes. Sometimes stuff comes up we don't even realize is there! Perhaps in some other way, other than perfectionism you are pressuring yourself.
I love that you recognize that perhaps your symptoms are telling you to slow down. Our society wants us to do do do, accomplish and do even more to feel successful, needed, and complete. What a shovel load of .... I feel so much more successful when I've been able to do something amazing for myself during the day, a walk, or some self-care, a mediation, or even 10 minutes to cuddle my cat!

 

This definitely feels like anxiety, I am sure that my nervous system is ramped up too. I interpret the time I had depression, fatigue, brain fog with living in a frozen and dissociative state. But pain maybe is a sign that I am in the opposite end of the spectrum. I try to numb the pain by watching, drawing, moving. Usually I am a slow person, doing one thing at a time, easily overwhelmed. But now I feel like I need more stimuli to distract myself and to my surprise I can keep up with the pace. It feels like my brain chemistry has changed.

I like discovering about myself! I am sure that the program will be fun. Thank you for your support. It feels great to have people around who understands, and who show you the way forward.

 

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Same for me! This forum is great!