Day 1 New Beginning

I’m 42 years old now. When I was 31 I started getting muscle spasms in my neck. Not just small, twitchy spasms but deep spastic pulling from my trapezius and other muscles in my neck, that yanked my head 90 degrees and then back and forth again and again and again until....my head got stuck slightly to one side and tilted so my neck was pulled backward and my chin was pointing upwards. After 3 months of not knowing what was going on (and continuing to work) I was diagnosed with a neurological disorder called Spasmodic Torticollis also known as Cervical Dystonia.
Prior to this onset were years of chronic anxiety, social phobia and back pain in my late teens and 20’s.
I sit here about a month after reading Dr. Sarno’s “Healing Back Pain” and where am I at in regards to accepting the diagnosis of TMS? Well although it resonates so deeply and I know it to be true, although I am so excited by this shift in paradigm and having daydreams of being healed and sharing this knowledge with others, there is something blocking a faster recovery. What is that?
I am looking at my close relationships, my working life and how I relate with colleagues and stakeholders (note here I was bedridden for 18 months and out of work for 6 years). I jog 4 times a week (approximately 6km per run). I am journaling (as of now) so what is left to uncover? What is unconsciously holding me back or that I can’t see? I meditate (but not as regularly as I could or should).
Perhaps the 10 years of having a label and believing in the diagnosis? Perhaps that I can’t find anyone, anywhere who has recovered from this condition? Perhaps because the condition allows me to avoid things? Perhaps a combination of all of the above?
Anyway, that is enough for today
Thanks for the people who have created this space!
Steve - Sydney, Australia

 

Oct 23. I have now done the 21 day pain recovery program with Alan Gordon. I am observing how fearful I am of so many things and have been hypervigalant for so many years. Concerned about what others think. Anxious and afraid of people generally for 24 years. I am now sitting with the fear without sending messages of danger. I am still afraid but that is OK

 

Hi Jasper...it is July 2020...any luck with dystonia recovery?
I have had cervical dystonia for 20 years!!!!!! Just wondering...