Day 24 New Pain

I just found out a friend of mine had some heart surgery. He’s probably going to be fine but no one wants to go through that regardless of age. He told me he had been thinking about death. I told him that was nonesense and that he would bounce back in no time. Inside I felt some kind of...worry or fear or preoccupation. I am worried about him a little. It also stirred up some old health anxiety.

Along side of that we celebrated a birthday. I ate a little too much and then came the cake. I haven’t indulged in years. I thought I would. 3/4 though the cake I got some mild cramping that moved around and afterward pain in my right side. So immediately my brain says it’s probably my gallbladder.

I think logically, prior to this I had side pain for almost 1.5 years. Should I even be concerned, considering my history with TMS specifically in those areas? It pretty much felt identical to this turned out to be nothing.

Then back pain starts and on and off right side pain coming and going and back pain. Based on my past with TMS and my fear of medical procedures in general I’m going to assume this is probably TMS.

I suppose it’s time to gather evidence. Two days ago I had some iffy Mexican food that was greasy. No pain.

Back pain comes and goes even when fasting and definitely has an emotional charge.

Coincidence that my friend had a medical procedure and this bitter sweet situation of a birthday and the news of my friend in the hospital?

TMS seems to be winning this case.

 

Good work jokeysmurf!!

 

Thanks Andy.

When I decided it was TMS and ignored it became cramp in my glute, then it moved to my hamstring then my opposite rib then my lower back, neck and my temple. Kaleidoscoping around looking to settle in.

 

Man, this sounds like the story of my life with the "symptom imperative." I can't seem to find out what my brain is trying to tell me though! Yea, yea, don't stress so much, anxiety of this or that, you felt wronged as a child....I want to address these things but don't know what to address.

 

The symptom imperative is a frustrating stage for sure. It's supposed to mark that you have it on the run, where your brain is confident one moment and not so much the next. It gets better but it's also in these moments when uncertainty kicks in and can activate it again. Be patient, accept that it's there and try and move on as best as you can. If you're genuinely accepting for long enough time it will go away.

As far as knowing what to address, the rule of thumb is to start with the smallest piece that wont cause you the biggest upset. Everything is linked in our minds in ways that are hard to imagine. Also doing work around anxiety also can have big benefits toward things you might think are stressful, later you might find them to be not relevant. Addressing anything in a way with compassion and forgiveness toward yourself will have a positive effect.