Day 2 New way of looking at things

"To eliminate TMS symptoms, the sufferer needs to become aware of the very feelings he's trying to avoid. And he needs to know--deep down in his gut, not just intellectually--that it's completely OK to experience those feelings. "

I have always thought that it was feelings of anxiety that I would try to avoid. That I would avoid certain people and places because I knew it would create anxiety.

But after wrapping my head around things I have learnt over the last 3 days, I am starting to realise that the anxiety I feel leading up to or during a situation is just another distraction to stop me thinking about what I'm really feeling.

It's can be a viscous circle for me, the days or hours leading up to a stressful event or something I'm nervous about, I will start to feel anxious, as I fight that anxiety and get closer to the event, I start to feel more physical symptoms, sudden headaches or gastro issues and then the anxiety and the physical symptoms feed off eachother, until that fight or flight response happens. It has been this way since I was a child and I have battled it for a long time, for periods I have been quite successful at fighting rather than flighting and the symptoms sometimes disappear.

Now that I really think about it, the chronic "illnesses" I have experienced through my life have really started to become more debilitating and more painful in the past 3 or 4 years, right about the time I started consciously being aware and fighting/hiding these feelings leading up to stressful events.

5 chapters into the mindbody prescription and 2 days into SEP, I feel like i have already addressed issues within myself that I have never before. Having a place to write these thoughts and feelings down really helps, even if nobody reads it, it helps me to understand my thoughts alot better and gives me a chance to better analyse what I'm feeling.

Have made a promise to myself to get back to work tomorrow after being off for the past few weeks, regardless of any pain or pain anxiety I'm feeling.

 

Let us know how work goes. What is SEP? I made a commitment to go to a hot yoga class next week. I'm scared. But I can do it. Just got to be brave and talk myself through it. I hope I'm not jumping the gun too fast - if it's my mind, my body should be ok, right?

 

First day back at work after a few weeks went okay, pretty constant level of anxiety all day, as I was making a point of staying in my head all day rather than focus on symptoms.

Starting to become aware of TMS has definitely shot my anxiety levels up a few notches, almost like my mind is defending itself. I have been having symptoms I haven't felt for months, for minutes at a time, has been a weird few days.

Did you make your yoga class?

 

How's work going? I have found it hard too, to not squirm when pain comes or get lost in it at times. Keeping in my head sometimes is frustrating, because sometimes I feel like i'm pulling at straws. I'm like, "what am I anxious about now? I'm anxious about pain!" ah. Lol. I do think the head space is getting better though.

I haven't made it to yoga yet. Honestly i'm scared. I have some money left over from a year ago at this studio, so naturally I want to go there (where I wont have to spend any additional $ to get in), but it's a heated yoga and can be intense - even at the beginners level. This week is looking a little crammed (the studio is also closer to my work but 35min from my house). Maybe I'll make it next week... or on Friday?

 

I don't know your story, or what your symptoms are, but from personal experience I would say just ease yourself back into exercise and increase it as you get more confident.

 

Thanks, I appreciate the thoughts. I will do just that. As a perfectionist/over-achiever my tendency is to want to go all in and make this thing hurry up and heal! lol. I'll take it easy on myself this time.

 

You know when you can't remember someones name or something, and after a while it comes to you. I find TMS healing similar to that in a way. I tell my brain that whatever symptom it's cooked up is pointless, because I know why it's happened, I then just try to ignore it and after a while it fades due to lack of attention. Try it, and go easy on yourself, the phrase more haste less speed couldn't be more apt with regard to TMS healing.

 

Work hasn't been too bad, gets a little easier everyday. The periods between thinking about symptoms are getting longer and longer. I have period first thing in the morning when I feel a bit uneasy about the pain and then usually by 1pm I unthinkingly start scanning my body for pain and the slightest niggle of a symptom starts to flare up. I definitely do feel better for getting off my ass though! I catch myself guarding my groin alot and it just kind of feels hyper-sensitized all the time.

I feel those thoughts of 'The doctors missed something' creep back into my head but I am slowly getting better at shutting them down as quick as I can and thinking emotionally even when it feels I'm 'Pulling at straws'.

Quoting Mermaid from a previous post - 'Even if you can't pinpoint the cause, the mental act of searching for it can lessen or stop the pain.'

Obviously don't go pushing yourself too hard but Definitely get yourself to yoga! Even if you only last 10 minutes, easing back into physical activity is a great way to break the cycle.

 

Hi Braden

You really are doing great, well done !

We all do the "it is gone yet" pain check, it's just a habit, same with the doctor thing. If you acknowledge that they are only thoughts left over from your old ways of thinking, and just let them pass by, they will bother you less. We wear a groove by our repetitive thoughts that takes a while be replaced with more helpfull thinking.

 

The SEP is the 42 day Structured Education Program.