Day 6 Not so structured

I am taking my time with this program. I am also not doing the lists and the journalling exactly as laid out in the program, and I feel okay about it. My daily life is very busy, and what seems to be best is to try and work a little on this recovery every day, either by doing the educational program, reading, listening to a tape, working against a conditioned response, or looking at the issues that come up. So far so good. The numbness in my toes has started to really dissipate. Many mornings now I've woken up with no numbness at all, and by bedtime the daily stressors have only allowed a toe or two to build numbness I've been talking to my brain when I feel the numbness, "oxygen, stat", and also thanking my brain for continuing to let me heal.

Of course, last week the one journal exercise gave me a kick-start into a really emotionally painful week as I worked through a deeper level of emotion around my mother's abandonment of me as a little girl. I actually am so proud of myself that I can use that word now, for years I couldn't say it.

And that of course led to the extreme fears I have about my marriage. I haven't journaled about those yet simply because I don't want my husband to find my writing, should anything happen to me. I'm trying to get up the courage to really look at why I am so afraid of looking at it.....a vicious cycle.

I felt very alone last week. I have a few minutes during the deep emotional pain when I'll realize my foot is hurting or my neck feels stiff and achey....but I've also realized that when I'm busy, I don't notice anything at all.

Close-toed shoes are a conditioned response....still struggling with letting that go.....but there is always progress every day.

My skin is also clearer. Interesting.

 

Great news, Susan! I didn't do all the journaling either; after a while I found it more helpful to talk to people here and to my therapist.

Sometimes it's the act of writing something down that is the most powerful, not necessarily having the writing to keep. Maybe you can write about your marriage and then shred the papers if you are worried about your husband finding your writing?