Day 3 Oh, I do have rage

This is only Day 3, and yet, from answering a few simple questions I have been able to admit to myself some of the rage I carry. One of my internal mantras for life has always been, "I just want everyone to be happy -- and leave me alone." My 3 children are independent adults now, but I can see how I sacrificed my own needs, wants, and downtime so they could be happy -- and all I really want in return is to be left alone. When alone, however, I am often in pain! So I don't enjoy my time. This is a lot to think about because I can trace the beginnings of chronic back pain to when they were pre-teens, a demanding time. That was 15-20 years ago. I conjecture it is OK to love one's family and yet to resent the sacrifice, even be enraged by it. Our culture of motherhood does not acknowledge dual emotions such as that.

 

No it does not...It's hard accepting, in my case, that part of me can "hate" my 4 year old daughter. Still feels wrong. But it's there, and it's ok that it's there. Keep exploring the rage! Just remember to take some time to think some happy thoughts afterwards.