Old Patterns Repeating - SI Joint Pain After Massage

Hi,

I'm a long time TMSer and have had great success with it! But there are some things that still throw me for a loop, which is what I'm dealing with now.

Last night I got a massage. I love massages and I only do them for relaxation not to fix any problems - in fact I've had no back pain problems to fix for a long time. Through trial and error I realized that I can't have anyone massage my lower back because I know that gives my body an excuse to create pain there and then I have a hard time getting out of the cycle. So last night, as always, I told the masseuse - to please not touch anywhere below my waist line-. I thought he understood as he repeated my request and left the blanket above my waistline.

So I hop on on the table and what's one of the first things he does...? He puts pressure on my upper spine and lower spine BELOW MY WAISTLINE. It hurt almost immediately, but it took me about a minute to find my voice. By that time is was too late. I had a deep pain in my right side of my lower back. It's deep in my Sacroiliac joint. That's some of the pain that feels the most 'real' to me because it's joint pain - it doesn't feel like a lack of oxygen to the area like other pain does. I can usually think away other type of back pain in minutes, but the sacroiliac pain always throws be for a loop. What is being deprived of oxygen there?

Then I question... Did I condition myself to think it would hurt my lower back if he touched it there OR does that really hurt me but should be able to go away on its own if a day or so it's a real injury? There are still parts of me that think that something is actually injured.

On an emotional front, I have a lot to be angry about - doctors failing me for another medical issue - which then spiraled into a lot of serious and unnecessary issues, which I am still dealing with a year later, major family issues, loneliness that comes with those health issues and not being with my family. Also, it's maddening when someone touches you where you asked them not to. I feel those feelings though. So what am I missing? How can I get out of my head about my SI joint? It feels so deep and hollow. Ugh, I hate this feeling.

Thanks so much!

 

"Maddening" is not the word I would have chosen. It is something far deeper and more fundamental. It is a violation.

I have had bodywork training, and one of the core issues is establishing trust and compassion and being fully aware of boundaries. Boundaries involve many layers. When a person is lying on the table, that person is extremely vulnerable. The betrayal by a bodyworker can be extremely significant and devastating. And your body reacted accordingly.

My philosophy on dealing with pain does not align with the majority on this forum, so I say this as only MY opinion and what has worked for me: I do not push through pain, nor do I ignore it. Instead, I pause and follow the emotional trail that might have triggered the pain. I acknowledge the emotion, and approach whatever I am doing in a less threatening manner, self-talking my way through the process. This will often soothe the response. I put my body in comforting positions. I rock myself in various ways, gentle, like my heart beating, or like the Trees sway in the breeze. Each time I do this, the automatic pain response gets slightly less, or it recovers quicker once triggered. While it can be time consuming, fighting the pain (for me) has proven ineffective. So I go with what works.

As for the bodyworker .... if you are angry enough, it may be helpful to express your dismay and hurt in a letter. It may be a wake-up call for the practitioner. Or, simply write it off as a bad experience that you will not repeat (with that person). Do not give up on bodywork, though .... there ARE good practitioners out there, and it is very healing to be touched.

Remember, you are Strong and Magical, and you can do anything you set your mind to do.
Self-Love, and Self-Compassion are your most powerful tools.
Be Love <3

 

Thank you, Lily Rose.

I am not giving up on bodywork. I love a good massage. He put the pressure on my lower back over the blanket. When I asked him to please not do that, he was very responsive and thanked me for clarifying. Though I said - Please do not touch anything below my waistline- I think he interpreted that to mean - don't touch me under the blanket. I think it was a misunderstanding, but one that leaves me angry and in so much pain. I thought I was very clear and no one has ever made that mistake before.

I've been going to that massage place for 8 years and had many different masseuses over the years and never once had a problem. I think I will call them up and tell them what happened.

However, I still need to wrap my head around what the oxygen deprivation around my SI joint is. The back pain I experienced started a little over three years ago with pain in that area. It took 8 months to go away and I really want to nip in the bud this time. As I said, I can nip the other pain in the bud, but the SI joint pain proves very tricky for me.

Anyone know where the oxygen deprivation to that part of the body occurs? It would really help me out to visualize it and KNOW what's actually happening.

Thank you!