Day 10 Old tms visiting

I'm having tms symptoms that I had at the onset off the chronic pains and fatigue distraction decades ago. So I try to do challenging exercises that involve the body parts that I am obsessing about and that I tell myself that I should hold back from using or that I'll hurt if I vigorously use them. So that seems to work. The physicophobia is confronted. But my memory seems very short, and the anxious obsession comes back over and over. I have the sense that I have to keep repeating and that the moments of awareness will expand. Not easy. I'm very intimidated by the seeming size of the project, and it's so challenging to strive for outcome independence. It's easy to slip into: I hate everything and everybody, and it's all infuriating, and I want it all to go away.
I'm so frustrated that I wish that I could shriek, even if I am not clear what about.

 

I do this too: but about people sometimes. it is obsessive. and it makes no rational sense. I'm currently obsessed with a love interest (in my mind, not like in reality stalking them) and their disinterest/sudden interest triggers me, and I obsess more. Like following a dangling carrot. It's crazy, and i'm so mad about how my brain works. Because I'm not actually CRAZY. It's all centered in my mind and related to fear, not being loved, and old PTSD trauma triggers. I find that when I get triggered its REALLY hard for me to deactivate that trigger - especially regarding people but also my pain too. Some things i've been working on with SEP: being gentle with myself - not getting frustrated and angry that i'm still in obsession. Doing youtube meditation and breathing when i gets really bad. i went to my therapist yesterday after an almost one year break - that REALLY helped: we did EMDR therapy. Doing things I really like to do instead of being so harsh and deadline centered. Getting support from gentle souls and trying to make new friends so I can go have some fun. GOOD LUCK!! Let me know if you find something that is working.