Oops, I did it again?

Hi all,

I’ve been part of this community for well over a year now. About a year ago, I cured my chronic TMS pain in my neck and back, and about three months ago, I had a flareup in my feet, which I also cured.

In 25 days, I’m scheduled to run a half marathon, my first in four years. Ever since I began this healing journey, I targeted this date as something of a culmination of all my hard work. Running was the vehicle that got me to accept that my neck and back pain was TMS, and by competing this race again pain free, I felt like I would finally be conquering it for good.

Also, in a few months, I’m traveling abroad to do a grueling 75-mile, nine-day hike.

This week, I was supposed to begin personal training for said hike. The idea of starting that, which would involve lots of strength training, got me worried that I would get injured and not be able to do the half.

Then, last Friday, when I went out for a 10-mile run, I felt tremendous pain from my right hip down to my right knee. I told myself that it was probably TMS, and I encouraged myself to think psychological, not physical, but the pain didn’t go away.

It then hit really hard Friday night, and has ebbed and flowed since then. A doctor told me I’m suffering from an extremely tight IT band, and prescribed me physical therapy, which I started yesterday.

I’ve been distraught since Friday. I’ve been living in fear, closely monitoring the pain level in my knee. I’ve convinced that I won’t be able to run my half marathon, nor go on the hike.

And then tonight, it hit me. Is this TMS?

On Thursday, one day before my run, I had a very distressing family event. I didn’t deal with that anger, and instead pushed it down. Then I went on the run, and felt the pain, and my fears about missing the half materialized.

I really am in a lot of pain. But, the more I think about it, the more the math makes sense. Fear + anger + stressed about timing = injury.

Does anyone here have experience with IT band syndrome? If so, is it typically TMS? (I got an X-Ray of my knee and hip which showed no structural damage but not an MRI.)

 

I think you know this is TMS. That tiny voice of doubt is what is keeping the pain in place. I suggest that you keep writing out all the reasons it is TMS, like you did in your post. Include all the reasons you are angry regarding the family event. Maybe try an unsent letter to the people you are angry with. And try some somatic tracking when you feel the pain (mindfulness).

The trip sounds wonderful and I think you can get lost in the experience and the joy of it, if you let yourself.

The good news about a TMS relapse, from my personal experience, is that once you remove the doubt and admit you have TMS fully, recovery is very quick. Your mind remembers all the times you've recovered before.

Bon voyage!