Out of action

So, I keep jumping on and off the TMS Forum and the Structured Education Program: why is this happening?

TMS matters because of these destructive pain symptoms can take us out of living a fulfilled life, and I committed to moderating the chat room once a month to support people's recovery. I also started the Structured Education Program in November to educate myself around the science of TMS. Now it's the end of January, I still haven't finished SEP and few of you ever see me on the forum. I say that I want to contribute to this group and support people, but my actions show that's not true. I really signed up for this because I want a job, and supporting the TMS movement looked like a way to get paid. The struggles of the TMS community haven't been important to me and I haven't taken the time to get connected with anyone here.

As a result, my SEP is unfinished, I don't know many of you on the forum, and the people who I have shared with may have come to see me as flakey, aloof, unsupportive, maybe even untrustworthy. I'm frustrated by not finishing SEP and it becomes a further source of TMS symptoms (as I make myself wrong and miserable).

There's no respect and compassion for all of your experiences! I come on here complaining about my problems, but don't contribute positively to anyone else. I'm committed to being a contributing member of this community, and fulfilling on the SEP by the end of Wednesday, February 10th.

Thanks to all of you for being steadfast members of this community! TMSWiki works because of the ongoing contribution of time and love (and sometimes money) that all of you give.

 

Hi Laughalot,

We may have not had the opportunity to speak very much but I appreciate all of the contributions you have made to the Forum thus far. I'm sure others think highly of you too.

Nobody here sees you as flaky, aloof etc, you are a valued member of the community and we are all glad you are on board.

I understand that you are juggling your energy between supporting and healing, but try and strike a healthy balance between the two. I know it's not easy, but the importance of self care and attending to ones own needs are very important. If one cannot show love, support and compassion to oneself, it makes it that much harder to support others.

I understand and I know we can be self critical of ourselves or judgemental, but these thoughts are just momentary and will pass. Just take a step back and work the program in a way that makes you feel at ease and with comfort.

You've got this and we are all by you my friend.

 

Hi Laughalot! You are being incredibly hard on yourself. Have you looked at Alan Gordon's recovery program on this site? It is short and sweet and has everything you need. Pay particular attention to his section on the internal bully. Mine was a monster and I finally have her somewhat under control. She lurks and occasionally strikes but I am definitely on the look out now. You come when you want and do whatever you want. We are too busy judging ourselves to pay attention. Haha

 

I'm a believer in everything happening in its own time. There's no set time frame for the SEP--perhaps for that very reason. So cut yourself some slack, Laughalot!
And BTW, TMSers are a very nonjudgmental group, so don't worry about perceptions here! Sometimes life intervenes and we cannot devote the time to the program that we'd like. So be it.
Be gentle with yourself!

 

Thanks you everyone for the replies! It means a lot to have a non-judgmental and supportive community. you are all so kind and supportive, it's a matter of taking all that and applying it within myself and my life.

it's crazy how EXTREME my mind can get. i've enjoyed doing the SEP journaling work, and i honestly enjoy the chatroom moderation a lot. and i've enjoyed getting to know fellow TMSers. so it's not even true that i'm only doing it for a job.

When my goodism personality sees an area of life that i'm out of integrity in, i grab hold of it and make myself wrong wrong wrong. really, everything's great! i have a great life, full of family, friends, and an amazing online community.

Thank you all for being on this forum, and making a difference in people's lives!

 

It's amazing how much impact time and space can have on our negative emotions. I'm glad you've taken a step back, reflected and looked at the positive and have seen the inner chatter for what it is. Nobody is perfect and we all have our off days, i'm glad you pulled through. Keep up the great work and I must attend a session that you host.