Overthinking Food

I can’t stop thinking about food and dieting!! So much so that I evaluate everything I eat. I judge every meal, every bite, how every peice of clothing fits, every craving I have.

I know how it all started. In adolescence I was heavy into dance but I am not a waif. I am more althletically built. I had constant scrutiny of how my body looked from my dance teachers to most importantly, my father. Everyone would judge what I ate and he’d often say “ that’s not for you. “
I had to be perfect and the best at dance and I thought I wasn’t so I quit. That is the biggest regret of my life.

Fast forward to my thirties. Layers and layers of life stress bring on chronic migraines. Eventually, after much research I start migraine diets. Don’t eat this, eat that. I tried everything. For about 5 years I would heavily restrict my food. I was so neurotic about every bite. If I did go off track I would get anxiety and end up with a stupid migraine anyway. Very ironic, I know.

Then, I found TMS. Never a doubt in my mind that’s what it was. I found this site and never looked back. I started experimenting with food. A bite of pizza here and sip of my hubbys beer. Before I knew it I could actually eat anything I wanted and it wouldn’t cause a migraine. Sometimes even a whole bottle of wine.

Fast forward another 2 years and my migraines are pretty much gone but what creeps up is stupid gastritis. Another food restricting kind of pain. I try everything.. ignoring it.. meds.. I give up coffee.. spicy foods.. homeopathic tablets. It’s tms. It flairs up with stress. It’s just there. I try to not think about it.

Fast forward another 2 years.. it’s been a little over 4 years of not restricting my food which means I’ve indulged plenty of times and now I’m over weight and my pains are not gone. I still deal with them they just don’t rule my life.

Recently, we’ve moved to another state and I took a work from home position. I’m very lonely and at home A LOT. Like I don’t leave the house for a week at a time. What I do all day is drive myself crazy about food. I over analyze everything about it. I beat myself up so bad. I live with 3 boys who can eat whatever they want so there is always junk to avoid. I watch you tube videos all day about dieting and losing weight. If I don’t do my work out I beat myself up. Today I had anxiety over it followed by yet another migraine.

It’s a mix of inner bully, pressure, and perfectionism about food. I can’t find the right balance. Sometimes I just want pizza but I also want to give myself the body I deserve. A healthy body. I can’t do it and it’s killing me. I feel like such a failure. It’s 4 am and I’m balling my eyes out. I feel like an idiot. I feel like I just want to be normal and happy and enjoy my life and I can’t. I over think everything I eat all. The. Time.

I know you guys are going to say get a hobby, leave the house and I am I due time. I’ve only been here 3 months and we have no money because of the move. I do try to go on walks but mostly I’m tired and have no energy for anything.

Does anyone else go through this? I feel so silly writing and admitting to it but it really, really has so much power over me I just don’t know what to do.

 

First of all, don’t blame yourself. Especially not for how you feel! I am not in the same situation. I am driving back and forth from work to my home. But I am single. At home I am alone. I try to go out, but the last year I worked to much and ended more alone than is good for me. I think that part of your problem is social isolation because then you start focus on something that seems to be good for you - however it isn’t. It is not good for you to focus on diet and on food. My experience: I need to tell myself to stop going on the net and google (with bladder pain there is also the possibility to go on diet, I did that and it stressed me out big time, needless to say that it had no effect). So, I need to discipline myself. That is easier if I have something nice to concentrate on. Like knitting, watching a movie or listening to TMS talks (also in moderation!). There is no quick fix. You have a pattern of behavior and this will start every time you are in a crisis. You need to break it and in the long run establish a new pattern. Maybe for a start: two times a week a walk?

 

Hey ines,

I understand how you feel...I had issues with chronic dieting for years in my twenties, always searching for the right diet and the unfulfilling pursuit of some “perfect” body.

I was able to break free of this in recent years with adopting a body positive mindset, intuitive eating and working with principles of health at every size, all wonderful things. I think the TMS community could do well with more knowledge of this! Eating disorders, dieting and body image anxiety are TMS equivalents in my opinion. We are perfectionists and prone to getting caught up in food and body image anxiety, especially women. Western culture places a great deal of value on being thin, when in reality, one can achieve good mental and physical health regardless of your body shape and size. There is not one right diet, only what feels good to you and your body.

If you want to chat more about this feel free to message me.

 

Yes, definitely, this is part of TMS. The perfect body and the shame of not being perfect. And eating disorders! Today it is widely accepted that you don’t ‘tolerate’ gluten, lactose, fructose or need to eat anti-inflammatory food. This makes it easy for people to be obsessed with dieting.

 

Definitely...the nocebo effect is so prevalent for giving people food intolerances! (Not the same as a true allergy). It's been incredibly liberating to realize all of this along with TMS and be able to eat pretty much whatever I want without having stomach issues.

 

MindbodyPT@ exactly! People mix up intolerance and allergy. Intolerance is not a medical term. I had a bad reaction skin reaction to an antibiotic. They tested afterwards whether I am allergic. A very thorough testing where are administered several types of antibiotics with different amounts of it at the hospital, being under control all time. In the end the doctor came and explained that I suffered from a side effect of the antibiotic but that I am not allergic to it. Allergy is an auto immune reaction where the body reacts really drastic.
Regarding dieting my philosophy is to eat food in variation and moderation.

 

Set yourself a food chart and maybe cheat days and break them up per month maybe. I'm also sort of in the same boat. Candida is what started it all with me as I read up in white tongue and antibiotics use as I had to take lots due to uti that kept coming back. Got so scared I went from 13 stone to 11 in 2 months . I had pizza last night I eat sugar and say to hell with it. Look at videos on dnrs testimonials also eft tapping to help boost you up. Drinking plenty of water helps maintain weight .