Overwhelmed

For 6 months i had been doing very well, pain had reduced by 90%.... then i started to increase my activity and pains were mild to begin with. Then on a day out with friends i was getting inside a van and lost my strength and went into a squat. Two years ago i believed i started my knee pain with a sudden squat. Many mri and tests later no structural damage just some swelling. So when i did this new squat i was fearful of bringing on the pain again. Now my left knee which was always the good one is very achy just like the right. I presume i have some swelling again and that may take some weeks to resolve. But i have noticed that when i go to bed my aches and pains increase so much i need pain relief to sleep. And it can also wake me up during the night. Generally before bed i have relaxed and rested on the couch and not in much discomfort. So i feel like im struggling again and my focus is back on the physical. And feeling overwhelmed and tired .

 

Hi

Sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I think the fact that you are here and that you had such a huge pain reduction a while back means you know on some level that your pain may well not be physical in origin.

Of course none of us can say that your knee is completely fine, and as always you should get everything serious ruled out which it sounds like you have done. I know the swelling can easily drag you back into physical thinking. I just want to share a bit about a good friend of mine... As it's knee related

He struggled with low back pain for years, and without any real reason it went away. Then he started getting terrible knee problems. He didn't know anything about mind body problems.

I have watched him in the last two years be incapacitated by pain and weakness. He can not walk up steps, he can't run, he lost so much muscle from one leg as he couldn't walk on it. He saw endless doctors and had so many treatments and physio exercises to do. Nothing helped in the long run. He was told he had patellar tendonosis, not tendonitis...meaning degeneration of the tendon. So he believes his knee was basically falling apart and he would need to rest for months or years to even have a chance of recovery. I massaged his knee a lot to try and help, and it was quite swollen at times too, which alarmed me.

At this same time I developed my own chronic pain problem in my throat. I learned of Dr sarno and got huge relief from reading the books. But my pain then got worse again. I continued to work on it and follow the mind body approach over all else, which I can say is finally seeming to get better. Still a way to go but I'm getting there.

My friend showed a little interest in all the TMS stuff, but was very sceptical too and didn't even read the book. He is very scientific and rational, and it makes it hard for him to fully accept the TMS theories.

But recently in desperation he went back to Belgium where hes from to see one of the best doctors who specialises in his problem, they did some tests and the doctor said it was mostly psychosomatic! He said there was little or no degeneration! I was amazed after everything he had been through and been told.

Unfortunately I still don't think he can really accept it, which is holding him back...but he is doing better than he was. After years of conditioning yourself to be scared , to walk differently etc it will take time to shed those old habits. It has for me

So it's not a happy ending yet for him, but I thought this might show that even when you can't walk and it's feels completely physical and there is swelling, it can be psychosomatic. My friend goes through phases all the time of feeling much better and then being unable to walk again, and he is under a lot of stress, but says he doesn't feel stress, which is a bit of a give away! All of these factors and the Belgian doctors diagnosis is pointing towards TMS.

So keep hopeful, you have already seen that you can be in less pain, hold on to that rather than what you are going through currently. It will pass.

Good luck

 

Thank you so much for your reply. I can relate to your friend. i do know i have tms. When i last saw my specialist last year. This is what he wrote. She has therfore no structural abnormality and she needs to make adjustments to her exercise program. He also mentioned that i was developing a phobia for pain which he thought i could easily overcome. My specialist is not a tms doctor and like your friends doctor knew that the symptoms were not all physical. Thank you for your encouraging words and the reminder to stay hopeful.

 

That's ok, glad it helped a little.

It's good that you have faith in the diagnosis of TMS. But I know the feeling so well, if the pain eases I feel it's easy to accept TMS and believe
theres nothing wrong with me. But as soon as the pain returns I get sucked back in to worrying if it's physical. I think it's fairly natural. So In a sense our lives are controlled by pain or the lack of pain, which is what we need to overcome.

Keep going, things will change even if you just let time do its job.

 

Fear is a major player in Tms's game... But when doctors start looking and you and cannot figure out what's wrong you can't run from doctor to doctor. Like Fred Amir said in his story...too many diagnoses and it gets confusing.

Here is an example....before I started having real problems I had some blood work drawn. A couple of lab results were off by a little and I worked myself into a frenzy. Two weeks later the labs were normal again. Shortly after...back & foot pain and on and on. I believe TMS (is part of your brain) and has the cheat cheat on all our weaknesses. That little gremlin knows where to attack. Like Dr. Sarno's book called the "Divided Mind".... It's a chess game of conscious vs. subconscious. Soothing that inner child may be a big piece of the puzzle.