Day 15 Pain update

As per day 15’s question to ponder, I am reviewing how my pain has changed since I started the work.


The thing that pushed me to this work, was my arms reaching a level of pain and weakness that made me fear I would no longer be able to use them for little other than minor household tasks.


I had long suffered with trigger point pains in my forearms, but it got to a point where I also had severe weakness and what felt like golfers elbow pain - shooting pain and radiating weakness down the inside of my arm upon attempting any task. I couldn’t even click a mouse!


I initially rested my arms as much as I could for a week, during which I read the mindbody prescription


By the end of that week, by which time I had finished the book and was wrapping my head around its concepts, the ‘golfers elbow’ pain had diminished and what were once incredibly tender and weak spots in my inner elbows only had mild tenderness in my left arm and none at all in my right. I also no longer had the degree of weakness from which I was suffering prior, I could use a mouse again.

The major thing about the golfer’s elbow pain going away, was that I told myself that it was insanely unlikely that I had given myself bi-lateral golfers elbow from doing some light wrist curl exercises (what I believed to be the inviting incident of it) on top of general trigger point pain. I also noticed experience an extreme feeling anxiety and emptiness in my stomach along with the weakness. This association, and such a severe supposedly long term pin passing so quickly has bolstered my faith that TMS could solve the rest of my arm pain.

Since then, the pain in my arms has been accompanied by spasms in my shoulders and back and extreme weakness in my arms upon awakening. The spasms have died down but the weakness in the morning is extreme and remains, but fades as I start the day. I am also getting extreme tightness/sharp pain along the ulnar side of my arms - whether it’s the nerve or the fascia I’m not sure - but upon waking my 3rd, 4th, and 5th fingers are contracted into my palm so tightly that it makes me genuinely scared of dystonia or dupertines contracture, but again, it loosens up once I’m out of bed.


My arms still get tired and painful after use, but the spots have moved a bit - it’s more close to my elbow now and feels more like ‘nerve pain’ - with both elbows’ ulnar nerve areas feeling tender and tingling in my fingers and thumbs, particularly on my left side.


I have also got more sharp pains in my wrist joint, on the under side of my forearms, in my fingers, and on the inside of my elbow joint.


I still get fatigued using the computer, but on 03/06 had my first shift at work where I felt genuinely not-scared of the pain, rather than just pushing through with gritted teeth.


I have been happier the last couple of days and feel mentally a bit more optimistic. I have also noticed that when hanging out with my friends, and during a shift with a colleague I really like, I didn’t notice or feel my pain as much, or even at all in an instance of hanging with my friend. (Though my arms weren’t being taxed at all, but there is usually a latent tightness in my arms of which I am aware).

I’m unsure about if TMS is having an impact on my pain - part of me knows that it moving around (but not going away or diminishing) is part of the standard presentation, but a part of me does still worry that my arms are just continuing their trajectory of general degradation - but this fear is not as strong as it was. I am accepting the diagnosis more and more despite my aforementioned reservations.