Day 26 Parents

I talk to my mom every day, she lives with me. She has been a huge source of my journaling, from childhood abandonment issues (leaving me with my grandma all the time) to super high expectations of me to not showing interest in my activities, to not supporting me when I went through a bit of a breakdown years ago. Now she lives with me for free after my stepdad passed away in 2013 and we go back and forth.

I have a dysfunctional relationship with my dad. I won't go into all details but I knew his side of the family had a dark history and recently found out it was darker than I knew. It left me with a lot of questions about possible repressed memories. He's in a nursing home now and I don't call much. I hold a grudge because before one of his asshole brothers passed away, he told me in front of my dad not to raise my son like a sissy just because he isn't into "traditional" boy things. My dad just smirked and said nothing. So.

 

Take the money issues out of it, even, and I can’t imagine how hard this is for you, given the history you describe. It’s like you never get a break from your painful past.

And this also sounds really hard. Lots of pain, whether you process this or just plain sit on the info.

It sounds like both of your parents are poisonous and then you wonder why you feel so bad. You should be proud of how phenomenally strong you are. You are functioning well and carrying a super heavy load.

 

@Diana-M thank you, friend. You are kind as always.

 

Seriously no wonder you have symptoms this women is causing so much rage for you. It's so hard with mums isn't it. My mum constantly causes rage in me but I can't express that to her because she makes me feel guilty. Although our situations are very different, my mum was in my life non stop as a child perhaps too much and still wants to be, so I appreciate you might wonder why I'm moaning. But whatever the cause of anger towards a parent why is it so hard to manage. Why do we feel guilty and unable to express our feelings towards our mum. Is in an inbuilt conditioned thing because they gave us life. But Rusty I think we are both going to need to do something about our relationships with our mum's if we want to reduce our symptoms.