Pelvic pain/ani levator syndrom/sex "fear"

Hello everyone,
I hope you guys are doing well.

1st of all I'm sorry for my English, I'm a French guy so my English is not my mother tongue.

I will tell you my story so you can understand better.

So, I had an anal fissure surgery (esfinterectomy) with laser (nothing really invasive) in July 2021. After the operation I had no problem, I went home a few hours after the operation I had no pain, nothing. Oh yes, 2 weeks before the operation I got vaccinated against covid (1st dose, no effects).

One week after the operation I decided to go running because I missed it a lot, no problem after running either, the next day I decided to do some bodybuilding with a lot of fear because of the surgery but I lifted weight (I was scared), after the sport no problem.
the next day I felt a pain in the coxis, I said to myself surely because of the weight so I decided to stop for a while. 2 days later I saw a small trombosed hemorrhoid (anus) and I was then extremely scared, because I had never had that before! I immediately thought of the operation, the covid vaccine, the coxis pain, etc. I called the doctor and he told me it could happen I took paracetamol, aloe vera and 2 days later everything was gone. But, the coxis pain was still present.

Two weeks later I went to take the 2nd dose of the vaccine. this time I had small symptoms and a lot of fatigue. I went to see an ostheopath becsuse of the coxis pain, he performed several manipulations (NOT the coxis, but legs, knees, back, etc). the same evening I went to the hospital, because my coxis was burning and the pain was not going away! I took Paracetamol, arcoxia, tramadol, begapantine, etc and nothing worked! this is where my ordeal started.

I started having trouble sitting, i was scared to sit...I went to google for answers and I found "pudendal nerve" even though I didn't have all the symptoms, after reading I started having several (perineum pain, anus, testicle, penis, coxis). I saw 2 proctologists, 2 urologists, 2 neurologists, 1 hematologist, 2 chiropractor, etc. . I did 2 scanners, 3 MRIs, 1 colonoscopy,
1 ultrasound 360 (anus)...

For 4 months, after each exam I always had the same answer "you have nothing, we have found nothing, everything is ok". it was so frustrating to struggle every day with "NOTHING"...everything pointed to pudendal nerve then, knowing this has no solution, I was throwing desperate, I had read a lot about pudendal surgeries, people's forums who have suffered from this problem for years, it was very sad and painful even after their surgeries... after each exam I was sadder the pain was more than unbearable, I even went to see a psychiatrist because I was in depression and I took an antidepressant for several months that I stopped for a few months now. I refused to live on an antidepressant all my life...

In April 2021 I went to see a doctor in Spain specializing in the pudendal nerve and after some examinations (rectal examination) he immediately told me that it was not the pudendal nerve at all, it was completely absurd to think of that! indeed people with a real pudendal nerve problem are VERY RARE and that many doctors were irresponsible to give this diagnosis. my real diagnosis is "LEVATOR ANI SYNDROM" after he told me that a lot of things changed I was more than reassured! However, he explained to me that this syndrome was linked to several factors, the levator muscle was shortened, he could no longer stretch properly (he hit the muscle near the coxis very intensely, I jumped at the CEILING) this is due to a lack of oxygen in the muscle, stress can also be a cause, the pelvic floor is constantly in tension and therefore the muscles too
after this appointment I had 7 sessions of muscle relaxer injections directly on the muscle and internal massages (painful, but it helped me to feel better, even if it did not solve the problem)..

Last summer, I went to Portugal, for 1 week I had practically NOTHING! I even thought I was cured...but when I got home everything was the same...

Another important point to say is that I'm gay (so you guys can understand why I feel sad, this thing changed my life, I feel like nothing is going to be the same ...) I don't really have pain during sex (I also thing that I have developped a fair of having sex and that's why I contract my perineum) , but the day after I have pain in my perineum (so every time I say to myself, "you're going to have pain tomorrow" ) the same when I run, I don't have pain but I already know that I'm going to have pain in my perineum the day after...

A few months ago I discovered TMS by reading Sarno's book (how to heel back pain) I felt identified on several points, for a few days I had almost no pain or very little. I am reading now "the great pain deception" by Steve Ozanich, and it helps me but not completely.

Indeed, I have negative thoughts all the time, I tell myself that I will never cure myself, because I am well for 2-3 days and it comes back! but if I compare the symptoms that I have now with the beginning of all of this...it is sure that there is a big difference...

Today, I still feel these discomforts:

- anus pressure
- want to go to the WC (number 2) even when I dont really have the need..
- perineal pain
- penis pain (VERY VERY RARE)


these symptoms are never simultaneous, the pain constantly changes places, but the perineum is especially after sex or after running.

Sorry If it was a little bit long, but I wanted give the details...
Do you guys have please some recommendations? I really Want my life back..

Thank you !

PS: when I drink alcohol I fell nothing...

 

The fact that the pain moves around, that it went when you were away from home in Portugal, and the fact that you say yourself you have the fear of the pain - all points at TMS. So do the SEP (Structured Educational Program) - click the TMS wiki tab at the top left of this page - then look under 'our programs' it is on the left. It is a program you do daily to help you understand your character and traits that lead you to have this pain. Basically it is unlikely to be physical - it is a response to repressed stress - probably over a lifetime... So don't exect to get better overnght - but do the work, read the Sarno and other books recommended on here - and you will get through this!!
Bon journee, bon chance!

 

Hello Hecate,
Thank you so much for your answer I really appreciate it!

I have completed accepted that I have TMS I don't doubt it anymore. I Went Orl to the ORL today because I have tinnitus since 3 weeks now and after the examination my ears are fine so he said it's going to disappear.. and someone told me that tinnitus is also TMS, so I think that my feelings are playing with me !

Merci!