Program Personality trait, being sarcastic?

Hi everyone! I started my tms journey this June, with a lot of ups and downs and getting drs appointments in between to prove this is tms and nothing physical. Anyway, I've been focusing on the personality traits and I'm not quite sure where I fit in (story of my life).

I'm definitely part perfectionist, people pleaser, legalist, want to be the best, don't like confrontation, anxious, extremely (self) critical, in desperate need of validation. But then there's this side of me that pushes people away. I sometimes make sarcastic comments or put people down. Something just comes over me. I've always been a bit of a loner, never really fit in. Have some good friends, but I'm just not the popular type. Especially as a teenager I was teased by the popular crowd. I started to build a wall, pretended like I didn't care. I did well academically and I was very competitive and always wanted to get the highest grades. So now, although I like people pleasing I also find myself putting others down who are (what I consider) too pleased with themselves. One side of me wants to fit in, but it's like I'm sabotaging this and the edgy teenager in me is resisting. Does this make any sense? Wanting to please people but at the same time lashing out?

 

Yes, this makes sense to me. We're people-pleasers motivated by superego activity which impels us to be nice in order to be loved. We experience this as incessant attacks, put downs, derision for ourselves, whether you're aware or not. Universal.

So what a relief it is to direct the superego activity outwards, attacking others. It is very simple, direct, primitive: There is something wrong here, the superego feels, so the energy of attack goes either inward toward me, or outward toward the other ---- who gets to receive the punishment.

When you're aware of attacking others, it is often an indication that you've just been involved in attacking yourself. So it is a hint, a call to awareness about your superego activity.

Andy