Please help!! I'm so much worse!!

I am so upset and crying. I am in such bad pain I can barely type. Since I started this program, I have been getting much worse. I journal and I hurt more and more. I talk out my feelings and my whole back spasms and I can't do this program any more.

I would rather live with a little pain than go through the agonies I am going through now. I can barely get out of bed anymore. I am just meant to be in pain forever. Maybe I am being punished for something. For not being as perfect as I've always tried to be.

 

Ashcatash, I'm assuming you're already been checked out by a regular MD for any other condition that might be causing your pain? Of course, you may be getting close to some deeply buried feelings that you are repressing because you'd rather not face them directly. cf. the story of 'Helen' that Dr. Sarno cites in HBP and the MBP. Have you read any of Dr Sarno's books before starting the SEP (i.e. 'the program')? If you haven't yet done that, do so. That'll give you a basic understanding of TMS theory before you start delving into the program. I found it helpful to write out a short autobiographical statement in the "My Story" section of this Forum too. You might also want to drop in on Saturdays to share your story and symptoms with others on the TMS Chat. Here's the link to the Saturday chat session on the TMS Wiki:

http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/The_Tension_Myositis_Syndrome_Wiki

 

Hi Ashcatash,

It sounds like you are in a pretty scary place at the moment. Like MorComm says, first make sure that you have a TMS diagnosis. It is hard to recover from TMS without confidence that that is what is hsppening. I don't think it is that unusual that sometimes all the symptoms really flare up before they get better, sometimes called a 'healing crisis.' Have you read The Great Pain Deception? He was in extreme pain, and it took him over a year to heal, but he is now pain free. That helped me a lot, knowing such an extreme case could still heal.

Another book I love is Loving What Is, which is a wonderful technique for getting the mind under control. Thoughts like "I am meant to be in pain forever" create enormous suffering, yet almost certainly aren't true. We think things like this, don't question if it's even true, then feel terrorized by it. Another example would be, "I should be perfect," or, "I am being punished." Keep posting, Ashcatash, I am sure there are others on the forum who have gone through this, who will help you through it.

 

Thank you. I'm sure it's TMS. No other doctor can say what's wrong with me. And the pain right now is in an entirely different place than it was earlier. It's jumping around and spasming my whole body!!

 

Sounds like no fun at all, but as you probably know, most people consider that the pain jumping around is a great sign-- TMS on the run! Stick to it, you may well be very close to a shift.

 

Dear sweeet ashcatash: You are not meant to be in pain forever. WHY do you feel this way? If you think you are being punished, look for where you can ask for forgiveness (yourself?). . . you aren't being punished for not being as perfect as you want to be!

warm hugs,

Lori

 

Tarala is reinforcing an important and it turns out, hopeful phase in TMS. This quote from Dr. Shubiner's blog was very helpful to me,: "When symptoms shift, that is a good sign; you've got your symptoms moving; you've got them “on the run.”

 

what is happening is called an extinction burst....a period of time when symptoms get far worse and/or move around...this is your unconscious' last ditch effort to keep your attention focused on the body. no is not the time to stop...believe it or not you are healing. Please read Steven Ray Ozanich's THE GREAT PAIN DECEPTION. It took him 15 months to fully heal, after 30 years of chronic pain (all over)..his story is inspiring as he has been pain/illness free for 10 years now. His book goes much deeper than Sarno's into the whys of TMS...it has been crucial in my own healing. You are loved. You are not meant to suffer forever. Have faith.

 

meant to say "now is not the time to stop"

 

Hi Lala, glad to hear you are still doing so well. Cheers, Terry

 

hi terry, thanks. doing better. did have a long period of now pain but have had some extinction bursts recently...been sick with a viral infection for the last week. : (

 

Viral infection, yes, all week me too! Wonder if it has anything to do with emotional reaction of my autoimmune system to the Newtown massacre? I think so . . . a little upset stomach, then I heard about Newtown, and bango, a sore throat. You just never know how much is body-mind do you?

 

mine is definitely about newtown, the the stress of working last week (i work in a high school) and all the pressure from the holidays. No doubt about it. Newtown affected me deeply as a teacher and mother. It triggered all sorts of feelings of vulnerability, helplessness and fear from my own childhood and life experiences. I was held up at gun point when i was 16 and had a close friend who was shot (and lived) in my mid-twenties....i was there the night he was mugged/shot. I was the one who first saw him after the shooting. He passed out in front of me with a bullet in his ass. I was with him on the way to the hospital. It was very traumatic.

 

Lala, that sounds really terrifying! (((hugs)))

I noticed a spike in symptoms after Newtown too, just like I had a huge spike in anxiety after 9/11.