Day 33 Positive changes

I just did an emotional journaling with my Day 33 work and situations in my life that are unfolding and changing right now, and all that is part of the positive changes from doing this work.

Doing this work, especially seeing my personality traits and their origin in false beliefs, is helping me see my choices and actions in a new light. Because of this, I have had the courage to be more honest with people in my life and say "This is what I will do. This is what I can't do." And then deal with (acknowledge!) the guilt I feel for taking away my support or my time or my attention from people and situations that were draining me. I'm seeing and feeling the link to my symptoms. Along with the "this is what I can no longer do" decisions, is a real sense of relief, and a sense that I might be creating the space (time and resources) to relax and care for myself. And I feel that the things I still choose to do, I will do with more enthusiasm, with more commitment, and with more energy, because I have so much more energy! I'm also choosing to do some things that are just fun, with no real purpose or relation to working or volunteering. Radical, I know. Haha.

There have been many positive changes for my physical body, as well. My main, most worrying pain, has diminished so much. It is coming and going at times, still, and my most recent response is "I'm not impressed." This is helping me not to put much emphasis on it, and not to jump to how to ease it or stop it in the moment, and not to worry about it. Someone said to me the other day, "you seem to have much more energy." Yes, I do. when I'm trusting that my body works and is strong and can do things and won't be injured by sitting, standing, bending or lifting (normal body functions!) I am doing these things with much more ease. I didn't realise how worried and careful and cautious I was being for so long. Today I realised, I'm not sure how normal people bend down and pick something up. That sounds so strange, but I can feel myself still moving in a weird way, expecting pain, maybe. Something to observe and let go of. The work continues.

 

Obviously, we need to count on ourselves for most of our motivation and confidence. That said, it's so rewarding when others begin to notice your improvement too. For months people always tried to find polite ways to ask me what was wrong with me. Once somebody finally said I looked like I put my weight back on (healthy weight), it felt so nice. Keep up the great work! You're doing great!