Day 29 Progress, Questions

Hi all,
Things are going very well, I'm on day 29. I think I missed 2 days interspersed here and there throughout the program, but got right back on track and have tried to allow those days to be "ok" and not bother my perfectionist personality trait. The journaling has been going well, and I've established some triggers from past events. I had some back pain in association with my driving trigger, and was asked to drive on a family outing for the day. I almost didn't go or asked for someone else to drive, but than decided to face the fear and just drive anyways. The next day it wasn't hurting at all. So good news on that trigger and its diminishing.

The other trigger is my computer usage. Pain in the neck and head, shoulders area is what TMS triggers for me when I work long hours on the computer. I also noticed that when I work at night, even for just an hour, it's worse. So, for example..If I haven't touched the computer for a few days..and then use it for 5 hours during the day..I have a small amount of symptoms. Alternatively, if I was to not touch it for a few days, and then use it for an hour after 10pm, I'd have a headache or neck pain most of the following day. Something about my using the computer at night when I'm tired and my posture is weak that I'm having trouble breaking into something that's psychological.

I believe I have something against working maybe? Getting into my career? And since I use the computer all the time in my field perhaps this is causing the trigger for me. I know that deep down I'm having issues of self worth, or lacking feelings of significance, especially in association with my career and purpose. I also think that there's something about working that means I have to grow up, or detach, be separated from my family and be on my own. I believe there's some fear there, possibly separation anxiety or something of that nature. I'm 32, and I've lived on my own for over 10 years in the past, but am currently back with family. All along I've seemed to have a crutch of some sort, a level of attachment or help. I guess this is just normal though and maybe I'm over thinking it. Anyways, just trying to brainstorm what might be causing my adversity to wanting to work, and the computer usage trigger since I'm still having trouble solving it.

My last question is about something mentioned in the program a few times. It's written to get back into activity, start walking again and exercising etc. Even when I was at my worst around a year ago with my symptoms..I could still go out and ride my mountain bike or go hiking, swimming, and I'd love it and those things helped me to relax. So I don't have any adversity or fear in doing activities of that nature..it's the sitting down still (basically driving or using the computer) that's triggering symptoms.
Thoughts? Any advice is appreciated. Always glad to be able to turn here for help.

 

My own experience may not apply to you or your situation mentioned in your last question, but the difference for me between "involving" activities like biking, swimming, hiking and "drone" activities like driving and typing, derives from where my mind is at the time. The former activities have my mind very present and fully absorbed in the moment, in the latter activities my mind is much more likely to be incessantly thinking about some future possibilities (usually resulting in fear/anxiety) or past events (usually involving anger or sadness) and the next thing I know the health issues are back. It helps me to realize that and get more "involved" with the present activity, but some drone activities are very hard to be present in. I haven't completely solved this issue myself, but progress is being made. Cheers!

 

Thanks so much for the reply BCR, that's very good advice.
It's akin to the post that I just read yesterday from Monte's on Focus on the Present .
I totally agree, these drone activities always tend to be interlocked with future or past events. Usually there's a deadline, and working under the pressure of being perfect, while using the computer. And past events and emotions, along with deadlines for places to get to when driving. Biking and swimming etc. are far more enjoyable leisurely activities for me.