Progress Report (Good News)

Hey guys! I know I disappeared for a bit (I’ve found that only coming here specifically to read success stories or when I feel like I need encouragement vs just hanging around on the site all day is the best formula for me) but I want to share my progress and get some encouragement.

Since the last time I was here, I had two new symptoms pop up - knee pain and elbow/forearm/hand pain. The knee pain probably did start as an actual strain (I was overcompensating for the pain in my back by bending my knees instead of my back every time I needed to bend down to get something) but I have a feeling that both are just more TMS symptoms bc I’m better at seeing the patterns now. They alternate with each other (the knee pain will go down to a 1 or even 0 for hours/days/minutes but the second it goes down it’s replaced with elbow pain, and vice versa. Both will also consistently stop and start at specific times of day) and the odds of getting tennis elbow literally two weeks after getting knee pain, when I’ve been doing nothing different at all with my arms, kind of ties it all together and makes me go hmmmm.

Las time I was here I was also stressing about a spot on my back that hurt after I dragged a heavy cabinet and now hurts sometimes if I move/bend over in that same way. I was stressed because I was already planning to get an MRI of a different part of my back that had started hurting for NO reason (pelvis/SI joints) and my other big symptom (hyperacusis) makes the idea of getting an MRI done really scary. Then I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to get any MRIs after all and thought this would help me but really it just (kinda inexplicably) made me more stressed.

Yes, I know that’s a lot, I probably sound like hundreds of other ppl here describing their crazy long list of random symptoms lol. But anyways: I went to a doctor, described what all is going on with my back and was sure he was going to say I now needed two MRIs and that I really hurt myself. But he actually said that because the spot the pain is in is very far away from my spine, it’s likely a pulled muscle/tendon/something and the reason it hasn’t healed yet is because I’ve done nothing to exercise/heal it aside from avoidance and overcompensating with weird movements (hence why the knee pain might have started). He suggested going to physical therapy and told me the only MRI worth getting here is the one for my pelvis/SI joint since that one is totally unexplainable.

After my appointment, I told my dad (a physicians assistant) what he said and he agreed. My mom (a nurse practitioner) agreed too and she had actually told me basically everything the doctor told me before I even went. My dad also told me that, speaking from experience, when you go to physical therapy, the first few times it’s GOING to hurt afterwards, but that it doesn’t mean something is broken or worse and that I shouldn’t feel discouraged or scared into quitting by it. It worked for him. He also pointed out that in the area that hurts, the only thing there is muscle - no bone/spine at all.

So I know in a way it goes against a lot of what we say here, but the fact that THREE medical professionals have all agreed that I’m clear for physical therapy and telling me not to be afraid finally gave me the confidence I needed to start trying to exercise again. I also know some ppl here don’t like physical therapy since it can sometimes focus too much on “fixing things”, but for me a big part of my anxiety WAS being afraid to try even the smallest exercises or stretches. Instead of going into PT thinking of it as “I’m going to this to try and fix broken parts” I’m going to think of it as “I’m going to this to purposely move and stretch the parts that my brain thinks are broken TO SHOW IT that I can do it safely”. It probably helps too that I’m only 24 so people are more likely to encourage me to strengthen my body than they are to try and discourage me into being scared of exercise.

Any words of encouragement would be really appreciated here!

 

This is a really understandable way to frame it, and it's great that you've got three medical professionals telling you that you're safe to move – that kind of reassurance can be huge when you've been scared of your body for a long time.

A gentle caution is to be very honest with yourself about what your real focus is once you're actually doing PT. It's completely possible to tell yourself "this is mindbody" while still secretly monitoring every sensation and going mainly to "fix" something you feel is or may be structurally wrong. You truly don't need formal physical therapy in order to move your body normally and show your brain that movement is safe, but if you're going to do it, going to a PT who is enlightened about TMS would obviously be best. (I've never been to a personal trainer myself, but other forum members have opted for that instead of PT because it's usually about general body-wide fitness and building confidence, rather than zeroing in on "putting specific things right". If you go that route, look for one who listens to your fears, progresses slowly, and focuses on overall movement rather than symptoms.)

For a lot of people with TMS, something more openly mind/body-oriented—like tai chi or qigong—can be a better fit for rebuilding trust in the body, because the emphasis is on calming the nervous system, softening fear, and moving gently, plus building body-wide strength, rather than on "correcting" a problem. Something that lifts your mood, like gently swaying to low-volume music (I started there and ended up dancing in my living room every day as part of my recovery), would also be beneficial. Since TMS is ultimately a manifestation of anxiety, anything that genuinely soothes and de-escalates your fear response will usually help the most.

You're also very aware of your symptom patterns and inconsistencies, which is good TMS evidence—the risk is that it turns into constant checking and obsessing. Lightly noticing, then shifting attention to your emotional life and to living your actual life, is far more likely to be productive than tracking every flare and swap of symptoms.

It sounds like your confidence with movement is starting to grow, which is encouraging progress. The emotional aspect is just as important though—whether that’s through Nicole Sachs’s work, JournalSpeak, or something else that feels right for you. For some people that means structured writing like JournalSpeak; for others it’s approaches such as somatic work, gentle grounding or “soft anchoring” for self-soothing, expressive writing in different forms, or other mind/body oriented techniques.

 

I don’t know how well it will reach him/her, but I’m going to tell the PT when I go exactly what everyone has said, that literally everybody (including 3 professionals) has said that there is nothing broken and that the problem is in my muscles (technically true, because TMS is about muscles) and that the real reason it still hurts even though the incident was over 2 months ago is because I became too afraid to stretch/exercise/do anything involving moving my back (and thus did nothing to help myself). So, having someone watching me do basic exercises and reassuring me that even if there’s a little pain/discomfort DOESN’T mean I’m breaking something or that I should get discouraged is what will really help me the most in PT right now. Hopefully this will give them enough confidence that they’ll be more on the encouraging side and less on the “be SUPER careful and STOP the minute you feel anything” side. Again it helps that I am 24 and not an older adult who they’re automatically going to assume has everything wrong with them lol.

You’re right that I’ve gotten better at noticing the patterns, and I am trying my best to “lightly notice” instead of monitoring them. Overall I’ve come a long way since the beginning and ngl the first incident with my arms (where I was doing nothing and all of a sudden it felt like everything in them strained and spasmed at once, and it stopped when I “talked back to it” - I wrote about it in another post here) played a huge part in that. It’s what moved me from “idk if I believe TMS is real” to “I believe TMS is real, I just don’t know if MY symptoms are TMS/I don’t know WHICH of my symptoms are TMS” (because if TMS isn’t real then WTF was that??? lol).

I think JournalSpeak is going to be the first method I’ll try since that seems like it speaks to me the most. Funny enough, I tried it ONCE a couple weeks ago and then had the worst symptom day I’ve had in a while (seriously, I couldn’t believe how bad I felt that night - I went to bed feeling like I had gotten beat up) However, I think this was because I was so scared that the JournalSpeak wouldn’t work that I stressed myself into having worse symptoms for the day by monitoring them too closely. I realize how dumb this is (of course there’s no way I would’ve felt better after only one day, that’s why Nicole Sachs calls her method of getting started with journaling/proving to yourself that it works the 28 day challenge and not the 1 day challenge LOL) and am going to try again. I can’t say I’ve given it a fair chance unless/until I give it a real try and not a weaksauce try lol

 

What if outside of physical therapy I’m also doing things on my own to challenge myself? Like ex: I go to PT and they agree with me (a fourth professional now) that I don’t need to be scared to say, do a knee exercise. I do the exercises there, with them, and then once I go home I tell myself “if I was able to do it there with someone watching and they said it was safe, then I can do it here on my own too and it’s still safe. Just because I’m moving/exercising on my own without having a doctor/therapist watching every move I make doesn’t mean I’m automatically doing something stupid or harmful. I can trust myself” (what feels like the “root” of that fear of the pain for me - I’m actually good at dealing with having pain and carrying on like normal, to the point where nobody ever knows I’m having symptoms unless I tell them so. The fear of “does this mean I’m hurting myself” is worse than the pain itself and what keeps me from doing activities, so someone telling me like my parents both did to NOT be discouraged by some pain will really help me personally)

 

You're doing great and making progress. However, I don't agree that TMS is about muscles. It's about the brain and the autonomic nervous system, which can affect everything the body does. This is why there is such a large array of TMS symptoms that people display.

 

It sounds like you’re still looking to a PT for reassurance that nothing’s structurally wrong — basically another medical opinion for peace of mind. Imo it’s better to work with a PT who understands mind‑body/TMS concepts, rather than one who focuses on things like “poor posture,” “weak muscles,” or “imbalances” as causes and then gives you exercises to “fix” them. That kind of approach tends to keep you stuck in the belief that something’s physically wrong, instead of recognising it as a conditioned pain response driven by fear.

 

I shouldn’t have phrased it like that, it’s the brain and nervous system affecting your muscles not the muscles themselves

 

Not to change the subject or anything, but outside of anything to do with TMS I genuinely DO need to strengthen probably MOST muscles in my body - before this I was never the type to do much exercise and so could never lift/pull/push very much. There may be nothing “wrong” or broken with my muscles, but they do need to get stronger if I want to be more in shape and I can’t say that THAT part isn’t true (when I went to the gym about a year ago just for a body scan/fitness test (and I didn’t have any symptoms at the time BTW), they had me try using a bunch of different training machines to test the strength of different muscles in my body, and I couldn’t do more than 5-10 pounds on any of them). I can also do like you said and add things in on my own that are “fun” exercises like dancing in my kitchen to music (I came across a line dancing YouTube channel totally by chance and have ALMOST been tempted into trying to dance along to some of the songs - I have a feeling that’s going to be the first exercise-related thing I try lol)

 

It’s great that you’re also thinking about ways to move that feel fun and motivating.

With regard to strengthening generalised weak muscles and PT: The difference with a mind-body aware physical therapist is that they’ll understand that the state of the nervous system plays just as big a role in physical conditioning as the exercises themselves.

A traditional PT is more than likely to focus mostly on mechanics — how to strengthen certain muscles or increase endurance — but a mind-body aware physical therapist will also pay attention to things like muscle tension patterns, guarding, fear of movement, and how stress or worry about sensations might affect how your brain and body respond. They can help you pace things so your system stays calm and feels safe while you’re getting stronger, which reduces the risk of flares.

Another plus is that they’ll naturally integrate grounding or awareness-based approaches into the exercise process, so instead of just “pushing through reps”, you’re practicing being present in your body and rebuilding trust in movement. It makes the strengthening not just physical but also neurological — retraining your presently fearful brain so that you will feel comfortable, confident, and capable again. They'd also be likely to try to avoid using language/terminology that could trigger you into believing/fearing that you have some sort of structural defect that you need to 'fix' when you actually don't.

If you're going to go for physical therapy, going to a mind-body aware PT would make it much more likely to be effective and (really importantly) the improvements sustainable because they’d be addressing both strength and the nervous system’s readiness to move freely.

I appreciate that with the above I could be accused of labouring a point, but my intention is merely to better explain the reasons for my opinion. I wish you all the best.

 

This is because your TMS brain doesn’t want you to explore your feelings. It’s trying to distract you.

 

I can actually even explain exactly what my thought process was at the time I noticed them get worse that day. I did my journal and then right after I finished I felt the thought come up “what if it doesn’t work because I didn’t do it exactly right” and (exactly like we’re supposed to train ourselves NOT to do) the anxious side of my brain took it and ran with it. Instead of thinking about what a great/productive journal session it was, all I could think was that one thought, along with “what happens if I get to the end of the 28 days and nothing is different at all”. This caused me to fixate on every little feeling in my body and surprise surprise, I ended up having an intense symptom day. I think I was literally watching myself too closely because (as much as I want to deny it) I was not so secretly hoping that I would have noticeably less pain after my first session.

The good news is that the LOGIC side of my brain reconizes that that’s bullcrap and isn’t going to let that experience stop us from trying again. Stopping here would be like saying I’m disappointed I didn’t go from fat to skinny at the gym after one workout sesh, it just would make no sense. I have a gut feeling that if I can get myself to genuinely get distracted from thinking about journaling or any of that stuff at all after I’ve already finished my journal for the day, the same thing won’t happen twice (or if it does then it won’t be as intense)

 

I haven’t done Nicole Sachs’s program myself. From what I’ve seen, the challenge is a 28‑day commitment to daily practice (journaling and meditation) with a final symptom reassessment, but she emphasises it's about beneficial habit‑building and self‑compassion rather than expecting some results by a specific time. The key thing to remember is that this psychological stuff works on your brain “in the background”. It’s not like taking a prescribed course of medication where improvement follows a predictable track. With mind‑body work, you’re not targeting symptoms directly—you’re changing how you operate as a person in the long term, and symptom relief becomes a 'by‑product' of that deeper change.