Day 8 Progress so far

Just a brief update on my progress so far. The setting: I'm still in bed at 9 am, under two blankets, allowing myself to be comfortable and quiet. I had a flare last night, and gave in to physical treatments this morning (ice, ibuprofen, and tylenol). That is ok, because I know that they are just treating the surface pain and not the root, and prior to this morning, I had been off medication for over a week. I was still hurting, but I did not feel I needed it! So, allowing myself to be kind to my body right now.

My pain (sciatic pain down the left leg, tingling, deep glute pain, sharp tailbone pain) has moved around throughout the week. Most interesting is that I have light but noticeable soreness in my right thigh - the pain had always been on the left side prior, so I feel this is a solid sign of TMS - my symptoms moving as I dig deeper into my emotions. I've also had heightened anxiety and dizziness, something that I used to get before TMS physical pain took over three months ago.

I've been journaling like hell, and my childhood issues, personality traits, and current stressors all check off so many boxes. The parents' divorce and all the trauma that went with that, perfectionism and self-criticism combined with graduate school crushing my soul, internalizing my family's current struggles, wishing I could help everyone...there's so much there. It has been a cathartic experience.

I have identified repressed rage, I have cried over my journal. I had one particularly moving moment, recounting a childhood memory of separation from one parent by the other. In my journal, I was writing, "I didn't want to go, I didn't want to go," and suddenly, my pen wrote, "I don't want to go." That sad, scared child came to the surface, we were the same, afraid, that memory was fully present and fully real. Just recounting that now brought some tears on.

Phew. This has been an experience. So very thankful for this community, for the work of Dr. Sarno and all those that have built off of his work. Onward...

 

Keep it up my man. Who would have thought we'd be laying in bed with leg pain, journaling about life experiences, and reading psychology literature all because we "hurt our backs." I'm relishing in this unexpected opportunity to hit pause and do some therapeutic introspection about my life and what is has become. Sure wish the pain would ease up so I could focus ; )

 

Right? Not me. Take it easy and steady and don't let the setbacks freak you out. I'm going through something of a pain surge the past couple days, maybe because I've been really feeling all those emotions. It's frustrating and it fucking hurts and makes me want to stay in bed all day, which probably isn't the worst thing for me to do. Gotta be good to yourself. I'll keep doing the emotional work now, and when the pain subsides, I'll get back on my feet.