Progress

Oh dear. I am really struggling. I am still obsessed with my symptoms and just can´t seem to turn off the obsession. I have now read Steve Ozanichs book which was extremely enlightening. I had a break from the recovery program but know I must continue and reach out for support from all of you. I also realised that I have been suffering from TMS for all of my life in one form or another. I have alot of pent up emotions dating back to my childhood and am seperated from my husband (although living in the same house) so alot of repressed emotions. I´ve never told anyone but I suffered from bulimia when I was in my early 20s. After reading Steve´s book I realise this was just another outlet for TMS. Back to present... I persevere with sport....hiking, gym, running. I just get out and do it. My major pain areas are in the lower back /sacro iliac and the entire neck shoulders head. I feel like the whole of my left side is weaker and therefore feels twisted. Although i have been journalling on and off for the last 3 months now and have accepted the TMS diagnosis my unconscious mind has its claws buried deep and keeps hitting me with some extreme symptoms. I´ve tried to find a tms therapist here in Germany but there just isn´t any so I need to persevere by myself. Although I have the strength and determination it feels like a rollercoaster ride and at the moment my whole chest,neck and head area is suffering "oxygen deprivation" and feels like a block of cement. My digestion is playing up, my insomnia extreme. How can it be that after 3 months I´m still not making progress?

 

I know the feeling, I just went through a time like that in my healing. Just believe in yourself and know deeply that everything will be ok. You have come far and building a awareness for what triggers you. Focusing on the pain is a hard thing to overcome but you will do it. Try to just accept the pain and know its there without judging it or getting angry at it. You need to get your mind off the pain, go do something you enjoy or try to meditate.

Pain and suffering in life will make you a better person. It's the drive inside of you to push yourself to appreciate life. It's what pushes you to grow as a person, so look at this as a positive growth story. I am thankful for my tms, as it has changed my life and it will do the same for you. It just may not happen as quick as you want it to but that's ok.

It seems to me you worry a lot about many things. I would suggest you read "Hope and Help for your Nerves" by Claire Weekes. This will help you to have acceptance for your worries and fears. I don't know if your a spiritual person but god is always there to help you and asking him for acceptance for where you are is powerful, it has helped me.

I wish you the best of luck and never give up. You will heal, perseverance and faith go a long way. I know there are some tms therapist in the USA that do meetings through Skype. The time change will be a factor for you but it may be possible. Look at the therapist list on the site and reach out to one, it may be a option. Wishing you the best of luck for what's going on right now in your life and know that everything will be ok!

Ryan

 

Oh thanks for that Ryan. You´ve lifted me up a bit. I will not give up. I know perseverance is the key. I suppose I´m just so perplexed with the severity of the symptoms... What I find bizarre. I do quite a bit of exercise (definitely in comparison to what i used to do...which is nothing.)....I should be fit and building up muscles but I´m not. Some muscles still shake when I try to use them which means they are not getting enough oxygen. As to a therapist...I did think about contacting a therapist in the states but I´m not sure if it´s an affordable option. Take care

 

It seems to me you are focusing to much on the physical. Try to stop worrying about your muscles, focusing on your body is the goal of tms. You need to think psychologically and be aware of your emotions and triggers. When the pain does increase try to recognize how you feel emotionally. If you have not done the SEP on this site, I recommend you do.

Focusing on your body and pain is what tms does and it's the ultimate goal of it. I also recomend you read "Healing Back Pain" by Dr. John Sarno, if you have not already. Try to also look at Alan Gordon recovery program as well on the wiki as well. It will give you a lot of tools to overcome focusing on the pain and your body.

Ryan

 

Slowena

I am also new to this wiki program, however 5 years back I read every book sarno wrote and attended his program and was involved in group therapy with one of his therapists. I never got any relief in over 3 years of work. The key was I never really surrendered 100% to the psychological aspect. Although I was amazed when I read his book that I was on every page and totally believed in what he was saying, I never gave up seeking alternative options and surgery was always an option.
It was in the group that I was introduced to the wiki. One of the members suggested that i commit for 30 days to do nothing but the TMS wiki program. Well I went on to eventually leave the group but never forgot that suggestion. It turned out in Feb of this year I had a stent put in and diagnosed with heart disease. So, I was put on a drug called plavix and told that as long as I am on plavix I cannot have any procedures, (at the time I was about to have a spinal stimulator implanted in me) so that came to a halt, not even an epidural. So, here i was in total fear of what I was going to do about my pain, when I remembered the suggestion. So with nothing to lose I commited to working the wiki 2 weeks ago.
I can only say that alot has changed for me and most if it is how I see myself and my relationship to my pain today I follow alot of the suggestion I work the SEP and I use my awareness today to reinforce the psychological part of this disease and I call it a disease because it causes me dis-ease. The one thing I have learned about disease, I cant beat it alone but, with the help of others and the strength in numbers together we can beat it.
You spoke of exercise, I exercise twice a day and can do almost anything physical but if I stand for 2 minutes I am in crippling pain from head to toe literally. There is something wrong with that picture. By being aware and accumulating the knowledge I am spending more time today focusing on the psychological than the physical (and yes that is difficult for me to admit because pain is who I am) I do feel better.
Just I few words on my story I do literally hurt in every area of my body from head itching to gout in my toe and many of the other symptoms mentioned on this website for all of my adult life and I am not surprised knowing who I am.
I know obsession very well and I have been asking god (and I am not religious) everyday to do for me what I cant do for myself, to lift this obsession with the fear and thought of pain and to give me the strength and courage to accept the TMS diagnose 100 %
He has done this for me before in my life with other issues and I have faith he will do it again.

Hope this helps
Thanks
Rick

 

Slowena, this is not easy... breaking an obsession means learning to change your mind patterns to some extent. I find that 20 minutes of meditation in the morning, and being committed to that practice, is a way to begin to retrain the mind. In meditation you learn to detach the focus of the mind from its usual obsessions. I highly recommend any kind of relaxation and meditation practice. Little by little it will begin to give you the tools you need to overcome the conditioned thinking that so many of us have in relation to our pain.

It's a terrible to feel that you are a victim of your own mind. But I know that feeling well. Meditation helps! It breaks up the grip of the obsession. Little by little it gives in.

Wishing you all the best....

Oh, and one more thing. I found that my obsession with the pain and my symptoms got much worse while I was reading Steve O's book. For whatever reason, I responded to his book with all of its wealth of information, by creating more focus on my symptoms. It was extremely helpful to me, but I was grateful to be done. Now I am rereading Healing Back Pain, by Dr. Sarno, which is very calming, somehow, after the intensity of Steve O.

 

slowena, you might get some help from this thread: http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/section-3-4-mindfulness.4914/

 

Thanks for all the tips everyone. My brain is working so counterproductive at the moment. The more I busy myself with TMS the worse the obsession with my own body becomes... Unbelievable....during the night I couldn´t sleep so what do I do...I noticed that my lower back and pelvic area muscles were intensely tight and my whole shoulder and left upper body tense so what did I do....I tried to talk to myself and relax but I ended up doing the most insane exercises...in the middle of the night....if anyone could have seen into my bedroom they would have thought I was a madwoman......of course I couldn´t sleep anyway but it was almost like an addiction the need to stretch and do exercises was so strong. For goodness sakes! I could scream at myself for being so stupid.

 

Thanks for the link Marian. I have listened to this before but forgot that this is so important. I will do this every day from now. I do deep breathe but I think it´s important to watch the thought process as well.

 

Slowena, last night in bed I had a "TMS attack" as well and began to develop a round of migrating pains, one in an area I never had it before. I was working myself up into a full blown panic, so I got up and sat down on my meditation cushion and began my meditation practice to calm my mind and stop the obsessing. Within 15 minutes 90% of the pain had subsided, and I was relaxed enough to go to sleep.

It takes patience and focus to learn to meditate, but it is so worth it!! Wishing you great success in this. You can do it!

 

speedysel... sorry I keep mixing you up with Slowena! But I guess we're all in the same boat.

 

Hi Marian, Don´t worry you didn´t mix me up. I changed my membership name....

 

marian and speedysel,
Deep breathing and calm imaging are my best aids in sleeping.
I picture myself on a sunny beach and hear the sounds of birds and water lapping nearby.
The visualization drives away the worry thoughts and any pain.