Day 1 Prostatitis?

I used Dr Sarno's book to help relieve pain in my sacrum with good results. Now I find myself at home sobbing from prostatitis that is not resolving. I have been at a new job for a month and don't yet have any benefits, cash is very low and I am spending $545.00 a month for COBRA. I called in sick today even without sick leave. Have have been trying to step Into the position as the perfect worker and want my boss and coworkers to approve of me.

I don't eat well and when I do eat at work I work while I eat. I am so afraid of letting down people at work and absolutely fear not being able to pro ide for my spouse who is the greatest thing in my life. I fear going to work and failing, and fear being a failure to my spouse.

I have compassion for others but not myself. I left my past job after going through hell with the sacral pain which I believe developed beause I felt I was failing at that job. I see history repeating itself. I am very afraid of facing my shortcomings and fears. I don't know why I am so very afraid it.

 

P.S. I want the kids to think I am doing great at my job, but don't know what to tell them if they ask why I am sick all the time.

 

Buster
I am so sorry to hear you are suffering. It's sounds like you are trying to be all things to all people at the expense of yourself. My question, and forgive me, it's not meant to be harsh, but who is going to be all these things to all these people if trying to be a superhero ends you? Fear is a powerful, paralyzing force, I struggle with it daily myself. It sounds as though you might really benefit from honestly trying to put yourself in the shoes of all these people you are trying to "be all things" to (especially your spouse and children). What would you want most from you if you were in their shoes? A superhero or a dad and a husband? And then think about it another way. If one of them, your spouse, or your children were in your shoes, trying to be all things to all people at the expense of themselves, what would you say to them? I know for myself it was a very eye-opening (and sad) realization that I would not treat my worst enemy as poorly as I used to treat myself. None of them are any more worthy of care and compassion than you are. Self-compassion is a very hard thing for many of us to develop. I highly recommend you visit this website http://live.soundstrue.com/selfacceptance, it's a wonderful series of interviews all designed to help us develop self-compassion. My favorite so far is the interview with Brene Brown, she talks about guilt and shame, (which drive perfectionism) and it really hit home for me. Perhaps it can help you as well.

 

I spend so much of my time being my own worst critic. I beat myself up constantly for minor flaws. Then if I "see" someone unhappy with me or disappointed with me I beat myself up more. Then if what I do has a slight flaw I beat myself up again. Then add the financial pressure....whewy.... We just never gives ourselves any slack. Talk about a punching bag.

But now life has changed. Dr. Sarno has changed my life forever. I now know. I am managing my thoughts daily. You can do this too. Yes, it is a lot of work and it takes each of us our own time. So glad you have found us. Keep posting.