Day 8 Question? A source of my anger

Ive just done Day 8 of the wiki programme in which I had to write a letter to someone, I chose my mother.

I have a really bad relationship with her. I am 20 years old and I am at university, so I only really see her in the holidays but for as long as I can remember we have fought and generally disliked her. On top of this when my father died 4 years ago my older brother and I stopped talking to each other. I was the troublemaker in the house and after causing a disruption one day my older brother declared I was dead to him and we haven't spoken since.

When I am at home now for the holidays I still fight with my mum which makes me angry. When she cries I feel very upset. I also get very very angry about things my brother does. For example last holiday he decided to take my old laptop, just claim it as his, the laptop had a lot of work and private photos on. I was furious.

The holiday before last my brother's girlfriend happened to speak to me for the first time. I was in the living room with her while the rest of my family were enjoying my brothers company in a separate room. I was feeling excluded and very aware of the dispute between my brother and I. She simply asked me how I was?… to strike up a conversation and to my surprise I was rushed with a wave of emotion and I nearly cried for the first time in months.

On the most recent holiday regarding the laptop incident my mother called me shortly after crying to apologise for letting my brother take my laptop. The phone call made me very angry and I cried too.

When this all comes together in my head as an emotional problem, but even worse; a contributing factor to a pain condition that is dominating my life I feel extremely frustrated as I don't know how to solve the situation. Do I have to fix my relationship with my family in order to relieve myself of my pain situation? Or can I recognise that the relationship with my mother and brother makes me angry and sad?

thank you so much for anyone who helps me. I really appreciate it. Once I am pain free I am going to do the best I can to help others with TMS and spread Dr. Sarno's knowledge.

 

Hi Robert,
Thanks for sharing what you have. I found great relief in the fact that for my TMS to heal, I need only acknowledge that the pain is psychological and not structural. I've done a ton of journalling on emotional issues and doing the SEP really helped me understand the connection between my pain and my emotions. If I had to wait for healing of all the relationships that I have trouble with, well I would be very discouraged! You'll find as you work this program that things will start falling into place and ways you've reacted in the past will be different in the present. Self-knowledge goes a long way in TMS healing. I've worked on things that I didn't even know existed. Like I didn't know I was a perfectionist. Now that I am aware of these tendencies, I've changed my behavior so I don't cause extra stress or pressure which translates to back pain for me. Just keep doing what you're doing.... and things will get better. And keep us posted!